Monthly Archives: January 2011

Whut Glamour: Colour Stripes!

Dear Installation Artist Jim Lambie,

I have always loved your graphic stripe installations and have had them on my mind recently. On Secrets, we’re doing a few family rooms and are looking for exciting ways to incorporate colour, so naturally I thought of your wonderful striped floors. I highly doubt we would ever get to do something like this in one of our makeover houses (it might be a little too crazeballz for most peoples’ taste) but someday when I buy my own house (read: in like 20 years when the market has completely collapsed and I’ve saved up enough pennies to afford one), I’d like to have a pretty striped floor like this somewhere. I was under the impression that I was the first person in the world to think of installing these stripes in a residence, but a quick search on the internet shows that there are numerous (and beautiful) examples of colourstripes in homes. Here are some images of your work, Jim Lambie:


And a few (delightful) residential applications:


Totally into it.

Love,
Orlando

PS: I don’t normally spell “colours” like that but am doing so in honour of your Scottishness and out of a secret desire to sound wealthy. Sorry.

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Hair Do?

Dear The Boy in This Picture,

I think you hair is awesome, but I highly doubt I could get away with it. Oh well.

Love,
Orlando

PS: I found this image on my favorite website in the whole world, Hedi Slimane Diary. I will be posting more from Hedi in the future.

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Hot Couture: Belmain

Dear Balmain,

I love your glamorous new fall collection for hommes. Too bad I’ll never be wealthy enough to afford it and it’s highly unlikely that it will ever show up at Ross where I, like, actually shop.

Love,
Orlando

PS: View a slideshow of your delightful collection here.

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Fake Joan Didion Quote of the Week!

Dear Joan Didion,

You said this:
“In Beverly Hills, it’s who you know, and I know everyone.” – Joan Didion
Just kidding, no you didn’t.

Love,
Orlando

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Five Haute Things for the Homme: White Bookcases!

Dear Diary,

For this week’s episode of Secrets From A Stylist, Emily had me research some modern, minimalist pieces for our client. This got me thinking about white bookcases and shelving systems, which I have always liked. In my living space, I tend to use a lot of white because it keeps everything bright and airy and prevents seasonal affective disorder. A lot of Angelenos get seasonal affective disorder because we are so ridiculously spoiled by the glorious light of summer (10 months out of the year) and we cannot handle it when it isn’t bright and sunny for 15 hours a day. I also like white because it reminds me of being in art museums and is a good backdrop for beautiful artwork and delightfully colorful objects. Here are a few of the bookcases I found in my research:

Asymmetric Contemporary Lacquered Bookcase by Nuevalinea:

3.14 White Bookcase by CB2:

Angle Shelf by West Elm:

White Sapien Bookcase from DWR:

Babel Bookcase by Banaldo:

I know people are totally over those “invisible” stacking bookcases like the one above from DWR, but I love the way that one is styled to look like an actual piece of furniture instead of trying to hide. All the other bookcases are genius in my opinion, especially the one by Banaldo. I can totally see that in some mid-century California house on a rocky cliff in Big Sur. Glamour.

Love,
Orlando

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Whut Glamour: Business Cards!

Dear Misako Rothery,

Thank you so much for the luxurious business cards you designed and printed for me at your wonderful New York design studio, To You, From Me. I totally love my delightfully thick business cards and the classic design you gave them (which was exactly what I wanted). I’ll let the cards speak for themselves, but I’m totally obsessed with them.

Love,

Orlando

They even came in cute packaging:

Front:

Back:

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Homme Video: JJ ‘Let Go’

Dear JJ,

I know they’re not brand new or anything, but I love this video and this wonderful song. You’re delightful.

Love,
Orlando

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Homme Sweet Homme

Dear Diary,

This is the most attractive man I have ever seen in my whole entire life. The face, the hair, the moustache. The bright tanktop. The rainbow surfboard. True love.

Love,
Self

PS: I found him on the website of one of my favorite clothing companies, Warriors of Radness.

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Homme Movies!

Dear Reader,
You know, people often ask me, “How do you stay so current on the latest pictures at the cinema!?!” Well, I’ll tell you. I don’t actually watch them. A true Hommemaker doesn’t have time for anything aside from making perfect meals, wearing perfect clothes, and excelling at his perfect job. Thus, I watch Youtube trailers for films and pretend I saw them at the theatre. This gives me ample topics to discuss at dinner parties, art openings, and fundraisers for the most influential of America’s politicians. Because watching these previews and faking knowledge of film has proven useful to me, I’d like to impart some of my film critiques onto you. Feel free to use any of my observations at your next debutant ball…

This week’s film is The King’s Speech


When people ask you why you watched The King’s Speech, make sure to tell them it was because you heard a wonderful interview with the director on Terry Gross (yes I know the show is called ‘Fresh Air’ but real fans know it’s the Terry Gross show because she is a genius). Did you ever notice that in every movie about British people they always use trilling string music? I was thoroughly disappointed when I studied abroad in London and didn’t hear any ridiculous string music. No one ran around lamenting about their confusion over whether should marry for love or money either, which is what I’ve always expected of them based on the dumb Jane Austen movies my mom always made me watch growing up. The plot synopsis of this movie is pretty obvious, Colin Firth has a speech impediment and he’s, like, the king or whatever and then he goes to speech therapy and they fix it and then everyone loves him (cue triumphant trumpet music). It seems like a pretty heartwarming movie, and you should probably tell people you enjoyed it or they will think you’re a complete idiot. That being said, everyone I know who saw this movie said it was boring.

Love,
Orlando

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Fake Joan Didion Quote of the Week!

Dear Reader,

Everyone knows that being a good Hommemaker means being a Joan Didion fan. I spent many a day crying my eyes out whilst reading Where I Was From and The Year of Magical Thinking (“Tragical Thinking” is more like it!). Anyone who I am facebook friends with knows that one of my favorite pastimes is making up fake Joan Didion quotes, mainly because she seems so proper and intellectual (like me!) and imagining her saying anything crazy or stupid is absolutely hilarious. Thus, my weekly column of fake Joan quotes. Here’s this week’s quote:

“I can’t believe I ate the whole thing! LOL/FML!” – Joan Didion

[You're welcome].

Love,

Orlando

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