Monthly Archives: July 2011

Whut Glamour: Amy Winehouse by Hedi Slimane

Dear Amy Winehouse,

I’m always weirded out when I get sad that a celebrity has died. It’s not like I knew you or anything. I guess what I found so disturbing was the absolute waste of it all. Someone with such an incredible gift who threw it all away for reasons I don’t fully understand. You died and that sucks for everyone, but I just came across these beautiful images taken of you by Hedi Slimane:

Just more evidence that you went too soon. RIP, Amy.

Love,
Orlando

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Glamourtimez: Green Street Tavern

Dear Green Street Tavern,

Emily and I have a tradition that we visit you after every Rose Bowl Flea Market. Or any other time we are shopping in Pasadena (which is surprisingly frequent – Pasadena is home to a ton of awesome vintage stores). We love this restaurant because it is quite and secluded (unless it’s Mother’s Day, in which case BEWARE). Recently I noticed how awesome your banquet room is. I love the beautiful curved walls covered in illuminated patterns. Someday, when I’m a respectable homeowner, I’ll do something glamorous and warm like this:

Well done and totally gorgeous.

Love,

Orlando

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Fake Joan Didion Quote of the Week: What Would You Do For a Klondike Bar?

“…So I said to him ‘Would you like it if I interrupted YOU for an autograph whilst YOU were enjoying a Klondike bar on a hot disgusting afternoon?’ And then he left crying. It was a hoot!” 

- Joan Didion*

* There is no “evidence” that Joan Didion ever actually said this. 

 

 

 

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Images I Love: Gregor Wynnyczuk

Dear Gregor Wynnyczuk,

Emily and I have been finding a lot of vintage landscape paintings at flea markets to use for the show. Every time I see them I think of the work you included in a Boffo exhibition I was in a few years ago. You give these old paintings voices. Funny ones. Your work is witty and thought-provoking. Thanks for making it!

Love,
Orlando

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5 Haute Things for the Homme: Striped Duvet Covers

Dear Diary,

This week, Emily and I are busy prepping for a bedroom makeover next week. It’s for the adorable April Bowlby, for those of you “Drop Dead Diva” fans out there. All this bedroom researching has me thinking about my own bedroom (I’m in desperate need of a new duvet cover). It’s hard t find bedding that is masculine enough for a dude’s apartment. Most of it is all flowery and obnoxious. Thus, I tend to fall back on stripes. Anyone who knows me knows I love stripes. While simple, stripes are so beautiful:

Now, onto the the duvet covers I was happy to discover. With my lover. And his mother.

This one has a much more vintage/aged feel. Not as graphic as some of the other stripes but I like it. $99 from Pottery Barn.


These are super cheap. $29.88. From amazon.com. Can’t beat the price, even if they disintegrate upon being unwrapped.

This set is not cheap. $280. But I’m sure the quality is worth the price. By Dwell Studio.

A designer friend of mine recently bought this one. $69. From West Elm.

I love a good nautical stripe. This one is from Pottery Barn for $149.

So now that I’ve found all these I’m going to buy all of them and change my duvet every day. I don’t have a stripe addiction or anything. I’m fine. GET AWAY FROM ME AND LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!!!

Love,

Orlando

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LA Street Art: Buff Monster

Dear Buff Monster,

I like the gross/delightful ice cream art you plastered outside my gym. It makes me happy every time I see it:

Love,
Orlando

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Haute Thing: Table Calendar

Dear CB2,

I’m totally a sucker for adorable little calendars that I can put on my desk and then forget to update. Thus, I was totally excited when I found this piece the other day whilst shopping for this week’s episode of SFAS. I’m going to stick this on my desk and just pretend it’s my birthday every day, leaving the calendar stuck on July 5.

Love,
Orlando

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Summer by Slimane

Dear My Favorite Photographer Hedi Slimane,

I’m digging your take on summer in Southern California. It kind of makes me want to be a 19-year-old strung-out skateboarder-surfer who drives a classic car and sleeps on the beach. One can dream…

Love,
Orlando

PS: For more Hedi images, go here.

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Homme Videos: The Hidden Camera’s “Underage”

Dear The Hidden Cameras,
I recently discovered your video for “Underage” and I like it. Even though it kind of reminds me of that scene in “Mean Girls” where the art freaks put meat on their faces and make funny noises. The song is super fun though, and I’m into the face paint. Yay!

Love,
Orlando

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The Anatomy of a Gay Pool Party

Dear Straight People,
I was walking down the street the other day, thinking about how commonplace Gay Pool Parties are on hot summer weekends in Los Angeles, when I realized that there were probably people in the world that had never attended a Gay Pool Party. Thus, I’ve decided to write a shocking exposé on the world of gay pool parties. All the deepest, darkest secrets (from a stylist) will be revealed. Here we  go:

1. The first thing to know about Gay Pool Parties is that they are all sponsored by a high end alcohol brand. I imagine this is because Gay people are rich and their friends are all executives at high end beverage companies. Also, rich people like to save money whilst promoting their rich friends. Or whatever.

2. The second thing to know about Gay Pool Parties is that the boy bartenders are always beautiful. And straight. So single ladies, find yourself a Gay and make him take you to a party. The bartenders will be so relieved to see you that they will fall in love with you even though they are most likely out of your league. This is Los Angeles after all, where every waiter is an actormodel.

3. Every Gay Pool Party is at a ridiculous house in the hills that cost more money than the GDP of most countries. These homes are usually decorated in the contemporary style by a young interior designer with no skills who happens to be really hot.

Some houses (like the one where these photographs were shot) are decorated tastefully. Modern/stark/contemporary isn’t really my thing, but for that style I must say this house was done impeccably.

4. If you go to a gay pool party do not A) Expect to know the host or B) Expect to meet him. Try as you might to find him and thank him for having you over, he will evade you for the entirety of the party. The host only shows up (standing right behind you) when you say something rude like “where’d they get that AWFUL vase!?!” Thus, if you are just dying to know who the owner of the house is, scream something loud and objectionable.

5. Every gay person that is rich enough to host a Gay Pool Party has met the president. It’s just a fact of life.

6. Every Gay Pool Party house is decorated in ridiculously expensive original artwork. Like these signed Lichtenstein silkscreened prints (valued at $150,000).

7. Gays love houses with a view. So if you’re at a Gay Pool Party and there ins’t a view, it is important that you leave immediately.


8. Gays don’t like square pools. So if you attend a gay pool party expect a nontraditional pool shape. Don’t be afraid, the water is still warm and inviting. In fact, the water at Gay Pool Parties is, on average, 12 degrees warmer than the water at straight pool parties. Gay people hate cold water.

9. An important thing to note about Gays is that none of them have body hair and they all smell like coconuts. They are also impeccably clean and don’t need to wear sunscreen, because their Ken Doll skin tans naturally in the sun, protecting them from the sun’s harmful UV rays.


10. Gays love angles and drama, and design their houses accordingly.

11. Finally, gay pool parties are really more like a swimsuit competition than a party. Everyone has 4% body fat, a brand new brightly-colored swimsuit, and perfect “Talented Mr. Ripley” hair. It’s like being trapped in a colony of models that have no idea there are people out there who aren’t models. Which is “fun”(?) right?

I hope you have enjoyed all the deep, dark secrets I just revealed to you about Gay Pool Parties and are excited to embark on your own safari into the wilds of your first Gay Pool Party before the summer ends. I know I am!

Love,
Orlando

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