Monthly Archives: October 2011

Fake Joan Didion Quote of the Week: Halloween!

“After an entire year of magical thinking about where I was from, I have not the brainpower left to think of a stupid Halloween costume. I guess I’ll have to go as a Sexy Kitty, AGAIN!”

- Joan Didion*

* Joan Didion never said this. But don’t you think she’d make an ADORABLE Sexy Kitty?

 

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Found Art: Shopping Bag

Dear Diary,

I found this shopping bag drawing in the bathroom at Cafe Stella in Silverlake. It’s simple, but genius.

Love,
Orlando

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Trick? Or? Treat?: Robyn

Dear Robyn,

I went to your concert last weekend and it was totally fun. That being said I had little choice in whether or not I went to the concert. Gays are obligated by Gay Law to attend Robyn concerts, even if they don’t want to (which, to be honest, I kind of didn’t). I have gone to all of your (seemingly monthly) LA concerts for the past few years and I have never paid for one or planned ahead. For some reason there are ALWAYS extra Robyn tickets at the last minute that people are just dying to give away. The scene at a Robyn concert is always the same: Hot Model Gays Wearing Neon Tank Tops, Cute Straight Girls With Asymmetrical Hair and Long Feather Earrings, and their Agreeable Straight Boyfriends, just along for the ride. Robyn is one of those performers you kind of forget about until you see her live. She is truly an excellent performer and her songs are catchy and absolutely danceable. Also, she usually wears totally fun clothes that make you laugh, like floral stretch pants or a dress made out of Koosh Balls. The show was at the Hollywood Bowl and my friends and I had nosebleeder seats, way in the back of the amphitheatre. There are no bad seats at the Bowl, in my opinion, because if you’re way in the back you can dance your face off and there aren’t any snobby rich people wearing monocles to look down on you. For those of you who don’t know Robyn’s music (read: anyone who isn’t a Hot Model Gay Wearing Neon Tank Top or a Cute Straight Girl With Asymmetrical Hair and Long Feather Earrings), here is my favorite of her music videos:

In other news, only slightly Robyn-related, I still have no idea what I want to be for Halloweekend (which starts in less than 48 hours!). Thus, I’m turning to Robyn for costume ideas. Here are a few inspirations I found:

Bossy School Teacher/Nerd/Giant Hand Lady. Why not?:

Demolition Tracktor Uni-Arm:

Sexy Bee, Always a Crowd-Pleaser!:

Pastel Paint Can Explosion Victim:

Giant Hands Boxer:

Snotty Princess:

Sexy Parisienne:

1990z Computer Screen Pixels:

Killer Astronaut:

Green Bean With Sour Cream Dollop Head:

Thanks for all the costume inspiration, Robyn. I’ll be spending the next few days FREAKING OUT about what to be, then just settling for my original costume idea, “Bone Didion” (a skeleton version of Joan Didion). My life is, like, SO hard.

Love,
Orlando

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I’m A Giant: Update!

Dear Dollhousers,

Something totally awesome happened this week. Emily and I were just hanging out, going about our business of designing houses for dolls and houses for people, when we got a package from Janet Blair (reader, designer, dollhouser) in North Carolina filled with awesome dollhouse furniture.

In the box was this awesome rug. I think I am going to dye it somehow or color it in. I think it’s pretty as it but I like the idea of making it more colorful.

This little dresser (for the kids’ room) is adorable. I think I am going to lacquer it a fun color. Perhaps red.

I added a stair-ladder to connect the second and third floors. It’s a bit casual but I thought it would make a pretty graphic against the back wall. I hope the doll family that moves in doesn’t mind how steep it is. I’m also experimenting with texturing the walls a bit. I don’t want them to look gross 80z style but I do want them to look like they are made of plaster, not paper.

These are the front doors. I added the hardware yesterday. But I think I’m going to stain them darker or paint them a color. The hardware is from the fabric store. They are for belts or something.

These awesome chairs came from Janet too. I am going to use them as king chairs and then make something cute (out of wire perhaps) for the rest of my dining seating. I made this super long dining table which I am going to stain dark grey. Super simple. It has a pretty grain on the top but I forgot to take a picture. Sorrlz.

Here is some of the baseboards I added .

Then I painted them all white. I think my whole house is going to be white because I’m planning a kick ass art collection. I might paint some of the rooms a color, but I haven’t made up my mind yet…

Ok, so onto the most exciting thing to happen since the last most exciting thing to happen. This week I made my bearskin rug. Now, just a little sidenote that I don’t know if I actually approve of real bear rugs, but I just had to have one for my barn. So don’t go out killing a bear to put him in your house.

I made the head out of Fimo. That’s the clay that you bake in the oven. Mine got all sorts of bear hair in it but I sort of didn’t care because I knew I was going to paint it.

After I baked the head I painted it and covered it in fuzz. It’s going to go next to the fireplace upstairs.

So that’s where I am in dollhouse land. I feel like I still have a TON of work to do. And honestly I am kind of sick of building the house and want to get on to decorating it. But all in due time…

Love,
Orlando

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Drawingtimez: Ew!

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Why Halloween Is Annoying

Dear Halloween,

Let me preface this by saying that I love you and that you have given me some of the best memories of my whole entire life. I grew up in a neighborhood where it wasn’t weird to trick-or-treat until you were 18 years old (which I did) and I always had the best time ever. But Halloween, you get more high maintenance every year. Mainly, it’s the costume thing. There’s so much pressure to think of something topical and clever. But not too clever, otherwise no one will get it and you’ll feel like a pretentious jerk.

Last year, I dressed as Icarus. Which was fine, but a lot of people thought I was a “fallen angel.” Which would have been the lamest thing in the world to dress up as (no offense to fallen angels out there).

The year before last I was a hobo. It’s kind of the closest thing to what I would dress like if I could wear whatever I wanted without being socially ostracized so it was kind of my favorite costume ever.

That year I did a group costume (from the awesome film Drop Dead Gorgeous) that you basically have to watch a whole long youtube clip to understand. Which is fine as you read this blog now but try explaining it to some old lady on the street when the rest of your dumb group gets lost.

Here’s the Drop Dead Gorgeous trailer that will help you understand the costume:

I’m pretty sure this was two years ago too. We’re space travelers or something. I mean, here I am dressed up in a costume and I don’t even get it. Group costumes can get tricky, especially if you were out of town just before Halloween and you then you just show up and put on a costume you don’t fully comprehend.

This costume from 2007 was pretty awesome. Except I was pretty much naked. And it gets chilly here in LA once the sun goes down (I’m the giraffe). Also, may I just tell you NEVER to wear brown body paint. EVER. Especially if you’re going to a party at a pristine, fancy, all-white house. “I didn’t do it!”

That year I also went as George Michael from Wham. I wore this costume a few times and I think this time I got lazy because I’m missing the beard and the sunglasses. Too much Halloween perhaps…

Anyway, I can’t think of any ideas for what to be this year. And if I don’t think of something awesome my life will be over. I HATE YOU HALLOWEEN!

Love,
Orlando

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Orlando’s Obsession: O Mirrors!

Dear Mirrors,

I like it when you are circular in shape. I think it’s because I have so much rectangular art in my apartment. I’ve just been dying for some curves. Also, my name starts with “O” and I like things that look like “O”s. Here are some adorable examples of “O” mirrors I found.

O God: the mirror. Double O God: the chairs!

I think you can get away with a simple circular mirror like this it’s right next to a complicated art wall. Sometimes I feel like I’m a complicated art wall.

I’m not a huge fan of what’s going on in this room, except for the piano and the giant O mirror.

These mirrors with the hanger are adorable. I think it makes them look more sturdy somehow because you can see what’s holding them up. Which will make you feel secure, even if everything else in your life is totally out of control and filled with stress.

These mirrors are crazypants, and those ruffle curtain things are strictly for Ladies, but I still love this room.

“Hay Giant Octagon Mirror! Come on over and hang out with us!” – Sofa & Wallpaper

I love how simple/graphic this O mirror is.

I wanna jump into that egg bathtub next to that O mirror. Then, after I’m finished with my bath, I will go over to that armoire and push it against the wall. Furniture placed in corners diagonally is one of my major pet peeves.

Mirror: “We are all alone!”
Other Mirror: “No we’re not, Table is here to support us!”
Mirror: “We used to date, I can’t stand him anymore.”

Hay O mirror! What’cha doing all the way over there?

This mirror is placed just high enough that you wont have to stare at yourself chowing down at dinner time. Phew!

Again with the cute hanging apparatus.

Look how tiny that bench looks next to that HUGE mirror and vase?

Finally, because I love me some Martha, here’s a cool DIY mirror she had in the mag a few months back.

I’m totally going to make this. I have the circle mirror but just need to go get the rope. A little nautical flair never hurt no one!

I hope you’ve enjoyed all these circle mirrors. I want all of them.

Love,
“O”Lando

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I’m A Giant Update

Dear Dolls Waiting To Move Into My Dollhouse,

Due to reasons beyond my control, there has been a slight delay in the construction of your home. Emily and I have been swamped with full-sized human clients and it turns out your house has been swept to the back burner until we get our human interior design projects further along. Don’t be sad, Dolls, I did see this wonderful fixer-upper at Rose Bowl over the weekend (for $68!). If you like, you can rent it while you wait for your glamour barn to be built. I know it’s not your style, but it will do for now:

Okay, so onto the slow construction down on the farm. Firstly, I added trim to the outside of the house. I am going to beat this up with a mini axe and then distress the whole thing and paint it grey so it looks like aged wood. I might even create some simulated holes in the outside of the barnhouse. I want the outside of my house to look as revolting as possible because, as you know, true beauty shines from within.

Oh yeah, and I added sleek doors. Creating them was a bit tricky because I had to encase them since the whole house is on a slant. I think they turned out pretty glamorous though.

For the outside, I want to do ring door pulls like this:

For the interior, I want to do sleek leather-wrapped chrome door pulls like this:

So, in conclusion, Dolls, I’m sorry your house is taking so long. It’s not easy building something from scratch. But it’s going to be worth the wait, I promise!

Love,
Orlando

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Cover Me In Music

Dear Maxence Cyrin,

This morning I woke up with grandiose plans of cleaning my whole apartment, making three pieces of artwork, finishing that boring New Yorker article about Keynesian economics (I’m sorry, sometimes economics makes my eyes glaze over), and going to the gym for 7 hours. But then I came across your cover of Where Is My Mind by the Pixies and I couldn’t stop listening to your songs. So now here I am, stuck inside on this gorgeous, clear Autumn day in Los Angeles. Listening to the most beautiful music in the world. It’s the perfect combination of high-brow, dramatic piano and mid-brow pop music. Hearing the piano version made me love all these songs even more, including Beyonce’s Crazy In Love, which I must admit I didn’t even like before. Here are a delightful collection of songs, some of which have delightful vintage music videos.

The Pixies “Where Is My Mind”

Justice “D.A.N.C.E.”

Arcade Fire “No Cars Go”

Beyonce “Crazy In Love”

Foster The People “Pumped Up Kicks”

Nirvana “Lithium”

You can hear more music at Maxence Cyrin’s Youtube and Myspace pages. (Sidenote: every time I am reminded Myspace still exists my brain explodes. Which kind of makes me wish it would just go out of business. Because having your brain explode repeatedly is rather annoying).

Love,
Orlando

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Are You Vegan? Or Racist?

Dear Human,

Do you ever wish there was a better way to describe things as “awesome” or “lame”? Well, I’ve thought of a new system. Actually my brother thought of it like tens years ago and now I’m sharing it with you. Basically, anything good and righteous should be referred to as “vegan.” Anything lame and vile is “racist.” These are good descriptives because what could be worse than a racist? Or more righteous and awesome than a vegan? I may eat whole animals and blocks of cheese, but I still consider myself a vegan. In spirit at least. I used to be a real vegan but then I stopped caring about it so I gave it up. Maybe someday when I move to a cabin in the woods and grow all my own food I’ll be a vegan again. Or not. All I know is that I like the idea of it (better for the environment, more humane, etc). Just because I’m not a vegan anymore doesn’t mean I can’t use the word for good. Thus, I make statements such as “Did you see they put ‘My So-Called Life’ on Hulu? That’s so vegan!” and “Ugh! This hot weather is so racist. I can’t even go outside!” And so on. Try and use those words in a sentence today. You’re welcome.

Love,
Orlando

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