Monthly Archives: November 2011

Hair: What to ‘Do???

Dear My Hair,

Why do you bore me so? The haircut I have now is one I’ve had on and off since I was 16 years old. It’s totally fine. My friends and I like to call it the “Funboy” haircut. It’s the type of haircut you have when you have, like, no imagination. Thus, I’ve been pondering the following five haircuts, wondering which I could pull off.

This one is awesome. If I had this haircut everyone would be scared of me and how cool I was. Which is pretty much my goal in life.

I like this haircut, but it kind of depends on what direction the wind is going. If the wind blows the wrong way I’m sure it looks ugly. Like my current haircut.

I like this ‘do. I’ve tried it a few times but it does weird things in the wind (i.e. when it blows back it looks like your toupee is coming off your head).

Another bowl cut. Super feminine but SO fashiony!

I think this could be the winner of the group. It’s definite FashionHair, but it’s classic enough not to look like they’re trying too hard.

In conclusion, don’t be surprised if you see me in the street with a bowl cut.

Love,
Orlando

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The Worst Flea Market Experience in the History of Time!

Dear Emily,

Remember last weekend when we went to the Long Beach Antique Market and it was, like, the worst experience of our whole lives? Well, it was raining, which was a bad sign, but we went anyway. As we were arriving (later than normal due to both of us oversleeping), all the vendors were rushing to put their stuff away, running away from us in terror like we were zombies coming for their flesh. For those of you who don’t live in Southern California, it should be noted that people here respond to rain as if it were the worst natural disaster in the world. I don’t personally own an umbrella or any other gear that would protect me from rain. So when it rains it kind of ruins the world. And flea markets. Thus, Emily and I pretty much started crying and whining as soon as we got to Long Beach. I was unconsolable. Until Emily slapped me and told me we better get shopping before all the stuff was packed up and taken away. We frantically ran from vendor to vendor in search of deals. Despite the life ruining weather, we found some scores.

I kind of like these stupid mannequins. I would.

We liked this bench for one of our clients but it’s SO LONG!

I liked this outdoor fire pit thing. If I were a lady I would put this in my ladygarden. That wasn’t meant to sound dirty but it kind of did. Sorrlz.

We bought the blue bench for a client. $100.

Look at this leather bag! We bought it for a client for $40!

We almost bought this for a French Industrial client, but it was $400 and there wasn’t a good place for it in her house.

Whenever Emily sees brass, her eyes turn into spirals and she walks straight to it like a zombie. These bookends were $20. We didn’t buy them because we were depressed about the rain.

Emily: “Should we get this?” Me: “Sure.” Emily: “I’m bored.”

GOLD CHEST! GOLD CHEST! $100.

We bought this trunk for the end of a client’s enormous bed. $100.

We almost bought this for a client’s playtable. But it’s kinda boring and would probably benefit from being spray lacquered white, which would make it too expensive for their budget. $120.

Because it was raining, we ran away from the flea market almost as fast as all the vendors. We fled to the antique mall in Pasadena, where luckily they were serving hot apple cider and cookies. Which made us feel better because sometimes we like to eat our feelings. We saw a few cool things there, too.

Look at this cool architectural model! It would be a supes fun coffee table.

Emily: “I don’t like black leather, but I love this chair!” Me: “I’m bored.”

I like this painting at the Pasadena antique mall. It’s $125 though so I might just make a knock off myself. I am a terrible person.

We liked this bench for our modern-pop clients but then Emily sat on it and it almost broke. Emily weighs 17 lbs. Dealbreaker.

We like this table for our French industrial client but it was too big.

Look at this ridiculous hat/box situation! I mean, the beautiful handmade hat comes in a beautiful handmade box. SO much work! But so neato!

Me: “Look at that awesome armoire!” Emily: <cricket noises>

This trunk is stupid. I don’t know why I took a picture of it. I’m an idiot.

We like this Paris map but it’s $250. Conundrums.

This little drum is cute. And so are you. $150

This makes me want to kidnap Angela Lansbury and lock her in a room, forcing her to write about mysterious events like she did on ‘Murder She Wrote.’

We like this chair but it’s arms fell off. Oops! $250.

I know what I’m getting Emily for Christmas…

This Moroccan chest was $400. Not too bad…

We’ve looked at this painting many times, but never buy it because it’s tiny and $175.

Look, a trumpet horn thingy! Or whatever. $100. (We didn’t buy it).

These vintage 3D maps were a bit steep at $250, but we both loved them deeply.

Finally, because we could not stop shopping, we wandered around Old Town Pasadena. This is a rug we’re looking at for a client. It a pretty great value. It’s $299 for an 8′ x 10′! From Crate & Barrel.

At the end of the day we actually got a lot done. We were devastated by how lame the rained out flea market was, but a glamorous secret lunch in Pasadena followed by some good antique mall time made up for it. Thank goodness.

Love,
Orlando

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Hollywood Diary: Katy Perry

Dear Diary,

One time, my friend Johnny took me to see a Katy Perry concert. This is what Johnny looks like. Yes, he’s hot. Duh.

Johnny is Katy Perry’s stylist. Which means he dresses her for events and often custom designs her wardrobe for music videos and public appearances. He also does a ton of other celebs like Nikki Minaj, Zooey Deschanel, and Rachel Bilson. And pretty much every other big name out there. He’s a huge deal, he’s super talented, and he’s super sweet.

Johnny and I were talking about mustaches the other night and I’m digging this picture of him with the ‘stache. He can totally pull that one off. Whenever I grow a moustache I look like a weirdo Peeping Tom freak.

As much as I love Johnny, this post is supposed to be about his contributions to the amazing Katy Perry concert I attended on Wednesday. So I’ll stop celeb stalking him for now. Like the adorable uberfans below who screamed “Johnny! Johnny! Can we take a picture with you?!?” (He obliged).

Johnny, got us backstage, where they like eating candy to stay in line with the “Candyfornia” California Dreams Tour.

These are some of the gingerbread costumes, later to be worn by the cutest 19-year-old dancers on the planet.

And by “cutest 19-year-old dancers,” yes, I am referring to myself. Because I am 19, plus or minus ten years.

They threw these beach balls out in the audience at the end of the show for everyone to play with whilst Katy sprayed them with foam.

How much do you love these CatHeads? I want one.

The stage design was totally candy. Lots of pastels and neons. Basically the colors I’d like to wear every day if it didn’t make me feel like a member of New Kids On The Block gone wrong.

Katy playing guitar on a giant floating cloud. Double yay!

I’m a sucker for confetti. So beautiful.

Oh, and here’s a Secret From A Stylist I never knew. There’s a fake Hyde Lounge INSIDE the stupid Staples Center! Who knew? It’s like up in the boxes where rich people sit.

This is the conversation that happened when I realized the club we were at was Hyde:

Me: Wait, we’re at is “Hyde”?

Friend: We’re not at the Hollywood Hyde, but yes, we’re at Hyde. You know we didn’t leave the building, right?

Me: I realized we hadn’t left the building, I just didn’t realize there was a fake mini nightclub inside Staples Center based on the place Lindsay Lohan used to hang out in in 2006.

Friend: I hate you so much. I wish you were never born.

…Anyway, they had some crazy lighting in there. They look prettier in real life. I think.

The tour (which has been going on for over a year) ended with this concert, so the purpose of the Hyde party was to let the tour crew have one last hurrah. It was actually pretty awesome to see how much the people who work on that tour (lighting guys, dancers, makeup artists, stylists, set designers, etc) love their work and love Katy.

After the show was over, Katy had to film some additional close up shots for a 3D concert film being produced about the tour. It was kind of crazy, everyone else got to go party and homegirl had to keep working for two more hours. You can tell she’s a totally driven, hardworking person. Something that doesn’t always come across as her persona makes everything seem so effortless.

Here’s Katy and her dancers recreating one of their onstage dance moves (in which Katy is lifted above their heads).

It was a really educational, inspirational evening for so many reasons. Firstly, Johnny is an incredible artist, stylist, and designer. It seems like the artistry that goes into creating performances like the California Dreams Tour often goes overlooked. They are designed to seem flawlessly plastic, perfectly produced. But it takes a team of incredible people to create the outrageous costumes, the beautiful sets. Johnny has an eye for candy colors and iconic imagery (cupcakes, dot candies, whipped cream) that is definitely pop-art inspired.

For example, I can’t look at this dress…

…Without seeing this Damien Hirst painting:

Or this moment…

…Without thinking of this Takashi Murakami sculpture (parental discretion advised):

I mention this not to get off on a crazy tangent about how art influences popular culture, but just to note that a there is a connection between the two and I definitely sensed it seeing Johnny’s work and hearing him talk about it. That and seeing the book of Tim Burton drawings at his house paired with a big art collection. The moral of the story is that it was refreshing to see all the imagination and brilliance that goes into creating one of our country’s biggest pop acts. It’s an absolute inspiration to see someone like Johnny making such lovely, interesting, challenging, and fun creations.

Love,
Orlando

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Whut Glamour: New Painting for the Dining Room!

Dear The Painting I Just Made,

My friend and fellow designer Matthew Lanphier commissioned me to make you for one of his clients recently, and here are the results.

I have been painting waves since graduate school, but none have had this crazy sense of movement and noise. Here is a view of the painting hanging in my dining room.

I have to admit, I kind of you want to keep you in my apartment, Painting, and never let you go. I’ll miss you, but I am comforted that you will be loved in your new home in Chicago…

Love,
Orlando

PS: I can’t stand the DISGUSTING color of my walls. They definitely need to be painted soon…

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Hey Look I’m in the ‘Design Sponge’ Book!

Dear Design Sponge,

A few years ago, you wrote a post about a project I did in my first LA apartment. The other day, Emily and I were leafing through your new book and were delighted to discover my project made it in. It’s a beautiful book, and a lot of fun to look at.

Well done and thanks for including me! (Click here to see the whole project on Design Sponge).

Love,
Orlando

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Whut Glamour: Hedi Slimane Exhibit

Dear Hedi Slimane,

I tried to see your exhibit California Song on its opening night, but it was so swamped with glamourmodels and celebs like Kirsten Dunst that I couldn’t even get in the building. Thus, I’ve been dying to feast my eyes on it since I heard it was coming to MOCA PDC. I visited the exhibit Saturday and I must say it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen in my whole stupid life.

Here is the banner on the outside of MOCA PDC (sidenote: am I the only one who thinks the Pacific Design Center is the most amazing, 90z ‘Saved By The Bell’ building in the whole world?).

While California Song was the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life, the first section of it was the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life. There were some major issues with the first floor gallery. I found the installation completely disappointing. Here are these absolutely stunning, gorgeous images, glued to dumb plywood and placed only at heights (too high or too low) where any intimacy with them was entirely impossible. It looked like something a first-semester architecture student would put together to showcase his final project. And the mirrors at waist-height? Who cares?!? I don’t want to stare at my own crotch I want to stare at you photographs! I would have preferred to see four photographs, simply framed, just hanging on the wall. The installation completely distracted from the power of the images.

As you know, I completely love your images, Hedi, so seeing them displayed in this studenty manner felt like a complete desecration.

The good news is that the exhibit redeems itself 500% once you reach the gallery on the second floor. It features a giant cube with rotating images on three sides, surrounded by a complex and beautiful speaker situation.

The speaker system plays sound installations by Ariel Pink and No Age. It’s basically just entrancing music that sets a mellow mood, causing you to get lost in these gorgeous, large scale projections. The soundtrack allows you to enter wholeheartedly into HediWorld, a place where everything is beautiful, interesting, edgy, soulful, and sensuous.

I love the Gore Vidal portraits. I also loved standing where I could see two sides of the cube at once, seeing how the meaning of the images changed when they were juxtaposed against one another.

Just for good measure, and because I love them so hard, I have included two Hedi video treats (unrelated to the exhibit):

In conclusion, Mr. Slimane, your exhibit is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life and it actually brought me to tears because it was so awesome. If scientists ever figure out how to make it possible for me to enter into an alternate universe, I’ll choose HediWorld for sure.

Love,
Orlando

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Drawingtimez: Martha Marcy May Marlene

Dear Movie Lovers,

I forced a friend to go see Martha Marcy May Marlene recently. It was probably the most despicable act I’ve ever committed in my life. Every review I saw for the film was positive. However, this is actually what the film did to my friend and me:

If you’re interested in viewing the trailer, here you go!

In conclusion, I must acknowledge that Martha Marcy May Marlene is a great movie. It is completely well-made and gorgeous and haunting (Sidenote: awesome production design and cinematography). I just wish that I’d never, ever seen it because it traumatized me irreparably and caused my friend to hate my guts. Don’t go see this movie. Unless you have a friend you’re trying to get rid of.

Love,
Orlando

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