My So-Called Christmas Tree

Dear Diary,

You know, Christmastime is my very favorite time of the year. This year, however, Christmas has lasted approximately six months and it’s starting to feel less like Christmas, more like Crackmas. I’m totally OD’ing. First, it was the holiday episode of Secrets From A Stylist, which was filmed in Los Angeles in August. Needless to say I was sweating my face off in my festive sweaters. Then, it was the Holiday Guide, something Emily and our team put together to tell people what to buy for their friends (and us). And now finally it’s the actual holiday season. I’m ready to drink some eggnog, wear a Santa hat, and continue the longest holiday season in the history of time. Thus, I have begun to decorate my apartment, even though I’m actually headed up to Yosemite next week for the holidays. Here is how I put up my vintage aluminum Christmas tree.

First, I painted the walls to match my tree. Trust me, this is a totally normal thing to do. Especially if your walls are a lame color. If you don’t paint your walls to match your tree you’re just plain lazy. The color I chose is Benjamin Moore “Half Moon Crest.” It’s very pretty and SO much better than the boring beige that was here when I moved in.

Here’s an action shot of me painting. Get excited! A fun fact about this project is that I forced my poor mother to do half of it, because she’s way better at edging than I am. Sometimes, when you’re pushing 30, you still need to your mom to help you do stuff. Stop judging me.

I got my aluminum tree at the flea market. It was $100 and came in it’s original packaging from the 60s (and it’s 7′ tall!). This box is pretty much the most revolting thing I’ve ever seen in my life, but I’m kind of impressed the owners kept the box and all the original sleeves that the branches came in. I don’t even know where the box for the iPhone I bought this morning is. And that’s why I’m a worthless piece of trash who will never amount to anything. Or at least that’s what all my high school counselors told me. And I still haven’t gotten over it. Why did I bring this up?

The base of the tree is just a wooden rod covered in aluminum foil. In the 1960s, aluminum foil was considered fancy and space age. Thus, they thought it was appropriate to make Christmas trees out of kitchen wrap.

All the branches on my tree are the same, so you can stick them in any hole.

Putting in the bottom branches was the most difficult. The other branches poked my eyes out every time I leaned down to put one in.

It was 85 degrees in my apartment when I put up the tree. You gotta love Los Angeles and our random heat waves in the middle of December.

Here is the tree all set up, against my glamourous new grey wall. I am still in the process of decorating it, but will be done soon and will update you with ALL the latest Christmas decor news. You’re welcome.

This Christmas tree is perfect for my Crackmas celebration. Maybe I’ll just leave it up all year, considering we will be starting Christmas 2012 in a few months anyway. (I’m scared).

Love,
Orlando

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11 Comments

Filed under Decor, Life

11 responses to “My So-Called Christmas Tree

  1. Ooo la la. Dazzling. I stick to the Marilyn
    inter decall tree myself. It is all I can manage cheers! Carol Morehead

  2. Minter! decale! really I haven’t had that much eggnog yet! Really

  3. we have the same exact tree in the same exact box. well, actually, mine is only 4 feet tall. i have tree envy.

  4. I’m beyond jealous that you have an Evergleam tree! My grandparents sold theirs before I got my hands on it……

  5. Catherine Soria

    I don’t know about brand names of these old tinsel trees but it is obvious the designers thought trees should be wonderfully full and round–too bad modern tinsel trees are so tall and skinny.

  6. Daniel River

    Your tree must have also beget mine while slutting about; I have the baby 4ft version from my great aunt in the same, though less nasty, box! Do you have the rotating color wheel light for underneath? Nothing makes a tree made entirely out of tinsel more ridiculous (and by ridiculous I mean beautiful) than the color wheel. Just be weary of electrical issues if you decorate it with string lights…

  7. I am too lazy to paint my walls to match my tree and so I am delighted in your industry as it looks gorgeous! However, I am also too lazy to let a tree poke me in the eye because that would require going to an eye doctor, which would require trying to figure out if what I need is an optometrist or an ophthalmologist and result in me just giving up, getting an eye patch, and being a pirate for Christmas until the corneal scratch healed. THAT BEING SAID, put the bottom branches in first next time, your eyeballs will thank you.

  8. Seriously love the tree and OF COURSE only lazy people don’t repaint the walls to match!!!! I nearly went into a sneezing/sinus infection fit just looking at the box, but props to y’all for keeping ALL of the original packaging. Now if I can just a 9′ one for my family room…. I made one in miniature, but where can I get aluminum pipe cleaner that big??????LMAO

  9. Dear Orlando.
    Reading your blog posts makes my life better. I love your diary…. In a creepy, wish I was your friend sort of way.
    Thanks for the laughs,
    M.

  10. Love your tree..it’s perfect. I used to put one of these up every year in my office, and starting at the bottom is def an eye saver….I too learned the hard way. Will there be a color wheel (please say yes)?

  11. jamie

    i just found your website randomly and ive been on it for like a half hour. you’re making me lol all over the place! not to sound like a spammer but “i’m bookmarking your site” :D

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