Dear Paul Newman,
Because of the Old Hollywood theme of last night’s Oscars, I have classic movie stars on my brain. I’ve been playing with a theory for a while now and I thought a cloudy Monday would be the ideal time to make it public. My theory is that you are the most attractive and stylish human being that ever lived. Here is the evidence:
It doesn’t hurt that you were buddies with one of my favorite writers ever (Gore Vidal) or that you created a great brand of organic foods (Newman’s Own). Your face, your clothes, your career. Everything is perfect.