Whenever I find myself wondering what to do, I always look to celebrities for advice. For example, I’ve been looking for new sunglasses lately and I can’t figure out what to buy. So I looked up pictures of fashionable celebrities and now I have a few ideas for sunglasses to purchase.
I have a complicated relationship with sunglasses. When I was in high school, I only wore fancy expensive sunglasses. But then I kept breaking/losing them so I decided to ban myself from buying any that cost more than $10. This has had an unexpected side effect that I no longer care if I lose my sunglasses. Which means I lose them on a daily basis. Thus, my new theory is that I need to invest in a real pair of sunglasses that I care enough about to keep an eye on.
Here is my namesake Orlando Bloom wearing some wayfarers. These wouldn’t look good on me because of my nose shape but they do look fetching on him.
Ray Ban, $200
Because I grew up in the woods and love the outdoorsy aesthetic, I’m into these wooden sunglasses from Schwood. Sometimes I wish I lived in a world where everything was wooden.
I could never pull off these fancypants Tom Ford sunglasses, but Brad Pitt can.
Tom Ford, $425
Every time I drive my boat, I put on these Oliver Peoples sunglasses. Glamour.
Oliver Peoples, $390
Ryan Gosling looks great in these Persol sunnies. Gimme.
This guy looks like an American Pyscho murderer, but the Ray Ban Clubmasters he’s wearing are great.
Ray Ban, $145
Oh Jake Gyllenhaal, how I yearn to trap you in a human size aquarium so that I could stare at you all day. Oh, and I love these classic shades. And your face.
Robert Redford is the grand master of aviators (which coincidentally are on of the best frame styles for my nose shape).
Ray Ban, $140
Finally, a pair of sunglasses that I only want because I know I can’t have them. They’re limited edition wayfarers from a few years ago that are impossible to find (unless you want to pay $1500 for them on Ebay, which I don’t).
Ray Ban Limited Edition Wayfarer, One Million Dollars
I don’t know which way I’m leaning right now. Kind of between the Ray Ban aviators and those Oliver Peoples sunglasses. What I do know is that as soon as I spend $400 on sunglasses I’ll immediately sit on them whilst losing them in a cab, lending them to a friend who will never give them back, and having them accidentally fly off my face while I’m on a roller coaster. I can’t be trusted.