Monthly Archives: May 2012

Whut Glamour: Boffo Show House

Dear Diary,

I was delighted to open my email this morning and find some images from the latest Boffo exhibition. Boffo is the culture/arts non-profit started by my close friends Faris and Gregory. Their most recent project is an art/design installation called “Show House” that features the work of dozens art artists and designers, each installed into uninhabited apartments on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. The show is open until June 4. So check it out if you’re in New York.

The exhibition space is located at 371 Madison Street and is open from 11 AM to 7 PM daily. More images of the show are available from the website of photographer Evan Joseph.

Love,
Orlando

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Think Outside The Box: No Socks

Dear Diary,

Apparently there is a totally exciting new trend involving naked male ankles. I had no idea, always running around wearing my nerdy socks pulled up to my knees. Enjoy these glamourous images of shoes with no socks!

The juxtaposition of a dressy suit with the casual exclusion of socks is a nice one. I guess it is kind of sexy to see a little skin, even if it’s just the ankle.

Love this whole outfit. He looks like a sailor from the high seas, except for with better hygiene and more teeth.

Ugh, I so want to be this kid. All skinny and weird and downtowny. Excuse me while I go do heroin and lose 30 pounds.

Good things about this picture: stacked stone wall in the background, highwater pants, lovely golden countryside, and no socks. Bad things about this picture: that ugly ottoman and that cheesy camera in front of his face.

Hi, I’m glamourous and my hair blows in the wind. Also, I’m too cool for socks.

Someday, I want to look like this.

I’m digging this tinysuit. Also, I want whatever is in that Dean & Deluca bag. I’m starving!

Love,
Orlando

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My So-Called Apartment Building

Dear Reader

In an old apartment building in Hollywood, not covered in vines, lived twelve little gay guys, in two straight lines.

…Well, not really, but you get the picture. I live in this crazy apartment building where a lot of my friends happen to live and as you can imagine, it is filled with titillating gay drama, glamourous rooftop parties, and devious boyfriend stealing. I moved here last year after admiring the building for years. Mainly because it’s the best color ever, mint green, which totally goes with the mid-century style of the building. It was built in 1949 and hasn’t had much updates since, which probably endangers my life greatly, but is sure pretty to look at. The building sits near the border of West Hollywood, but is technically in Hollywood. This is good because it means it’s just fancy enough that I can walk around without getting stabbed (hopefully) but just gritty enough that I can tell people I live in Hollywood and they will be a little scared and wonder if I am a drug dealer and/or thief (Sidenote: I am neither, unless you count stealing America’s heart as thievery). I know most people don’t aspire to live in kitschy apartment buildings, but I must say I’m thankful for my place every day. It’s very warm and inviting and feels like home.

My favorite thing about the building is its palm trees. One sits right outside my window and greets me every morning.

Strangely, I also love the power lines outside. Even though they are probably, like, giving me cancer as we speak. Rude.

I love all the original railings on the building. So simple and geometric.

The cathedral windows look slightly strange from the outside of the building but are a dream on the inside because they provide floor-to-ceiling light. It’s illegal to install them now because they kill you instantly in an earthquake. Or something. I think I just made that up.

Don’t you love the lush landscaping combined with the crazy power lines?  Like Hannah Montana, it truly is the best of both worlds.

My street, nestled at the base of the Hollywood Hills, is pretty cute too. Lots of mid-century apartment buildings and vast green lawns (which by the way are native to Los Angeles and not at all a disastrous waste of water).

Everything is minty aqua green, just like in my complexion every time I hear that Gotye song that they are totally playing into the ground right now. Gotye, your song is somebody that I wish I used to know.

This is our pool, where daily drama occurs. Usually involving someone accusing someone else of stealing his boyfriend, which is followed by a martini being thrown in someone’s face and the other one getting thrown in the pool screaming, “You’re dead to me!” Actually that never happens but I would be so much happier if it did.

This is my upstairs neighborfriends’ deck. They had custom stripe cushions made in classic black and white. Luxury.

Because California has some of the prettiest sunsets on earth, our rooftop provides the perfect place for a nice glass of wine at dusk..

I hope you enjoyed these images of my apartment’s exterior. A wise person once said not to judge a book by it’s cover. But in the case of my apartment, I’m glad I did.

Love,
Orlando

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Tree Houses For Your Spouses

Dear Treehouses,

I’ve always wanted to live in one of you. I had no idea how many other people had treehouse fetishes until I started researching the topic. There are some crazyamazing treehouses out there. Here are some of the more exciting ones:

This is classic treehouse. It’s rustic and woodsy. Like my soul.

This treehouse is all “Forget everything you thought you knew about treehouses, I’m an urban girl!”

This one looks like an alien. So does your mom.

I love the floor-length window. I’d live in there.

This one is so cute and classic, like a little tiny East Coast birdhouse…

I love that this treehouse includes indoor/outdoor space. So warm and inviting.

I don’t know if this technically qualifies as a birdhouse, but it certainly does dialogue with all the trees. Me likey.

This looks like a treehouse where a witch would live.

Someday, when I live in the middle of the woods, I am going to have a guest house that looks just like this.

This one is way more basic than the others, but I would have killed for it when I was a kid.

How cute and romantic is this one? I want to throw a dinner party in there.

I love how this treehouse looks like it’s floating. In fact, is this treehouse floating? I can’t tell…

Someday, I want to live in a giant onion/cacoon  made out of wood, stuck to a tree.

And now for the winner of the Best Treehouse Ever In The History Of Time Award. I can’t believe how much I want this one. It’s made out of mirrors. It sits amongst the trees, like a ghostly box. It was designed by a Swedish firm called Tham & Videgård. I’m sure there are piles of dead birds outside this thing, but it might be worth it considering how gorgeous it is.

The one-way mirrors allow like to come in and people to see out.

I’m pretty sure this is just a rendering, but I’d like to put it on my face.

Now I am going to fantasize about treehouses. Perhaps instead of buying a real house one day I will just get a treehouse instead. Then I will become a crazy hermit and when people come by to visit I’ll pull up the rope ladder and scream at them about how the world is ending. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do…

Love,
Orlando

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Orlando’s Obsession: Casper Balslev

Dear Photographer and Music Video Cinematographer Casper Balslev,

I am obsessed with your cool photographs of Los Angeles and your totally amazing music videos that I could just eat with a spoon. I discovered you when I watched the music video for “This Boys In Love” by the Presets. Upon further investigation I found out you not only shot videos for Marina and the Diamonds and a bunch of other fun bands (videos at the end of this post), you also take beautiful photographs. Please enjoy:

And for the music videos, beginning with the one that started it all:

Thanks for the beautiful work. Me likey.

Love,
Orlando

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You Must Buy These Things Or You Will Be Socially Ostracized!

Dear Diary,

The sun is shining in beautiful Los Angeles and the summer is upon us. Or at least I think it is. I actually have no idea when the official start of summer is and I don’t feel like googling it. I know the unofficial start is next weekend. Memorial Day Weekend. To get ready for summer, I’ve been slowly stocking up on summer must-haves. And so should you. If you are a girl, just buy these things for your boyfriend. That way no other girls will hit on him because he will look like a mischievous homosexual. Like me.

I’m super into these cool hats. They are yet another piece of evidence that black people (along with the gays) are responsible for everything that is cool. Black guys were the first to wear these, then straight white guys, now gay dudes. I’m into the gay thug look though, so that’s fine by me. Thank you, black people!

LA Dodgers Cap from 59fifty

I like bright things, so I love these sunglasses. They cost $5 and I bet I’ll break them by this evening. The average lifespan of a pair of my sunglasses is 3.67 days. I am a terrible human being.

Sunglasses from H&M

I love everything from Warriors of Radness. Especially this awkward ball tank top.

Tank from Warriors of Radness

These jersey knit tanks are so soft I want to wear them all the time. It’s like wearing air.

Tank Top from H&M

Loving these pink painterly swimming swimmerz.

Swim Trunks from H&M

These are very exciting and sort of tiny. I’m not into long swim trunks. Who wants to be weighed down by all that fabric in the pool? I just want to be free.

Grey Swim Trunks from H&M

These look totally dorky online but are cuter in real life. Especially when you cuff them a bit.

Shorts from H&M

Yup. These flip flops are old news but I still love them.

White Flip Flops from Havaianas

To protect my lily white skin from the harsh burning sun of Southern California, I rely on this sunscreen. Mainly because it has the most adorable label I’ve ever seen. But also because it smells like oatmeal and doesn’t have nano particles that get into your pores and give you even more cancer than the sun does. Trust me, I’m a scientist.

Badger Sunscreen

To change the color of my lily white skin from Titanium White to Swiss Coffee, I rely on this delightfully streak free product. It actually works but it comes off if you sweat to much. And believe me, I sweat too much.

Sunless Tanner from Keihl’s

So that’s all you need for summer. Now go out and buy it, because that’s what we do. This is America.

Love,
Orlando

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There’s Something Going On In The Bedroom

Dear My Bedroom,

I hate you. I’m over you. And I need a change. But for some reason all the bedroom inspiration I’m finding is so feminine. Which is weird because guys like to sleep too. Below are some images of bedrooms I like. Please enjoy them.

I love this one. Look how tiny that mirror is? I can’t tell if it’s stupid or amazing.

This grey bedding is fun. I think you can get away with dark colors in a sexy, masculine bedroom…

Gimme. All of it. The flag, the cute rug, the jacket.

Emily designed this one for the show. It’s still one of my favorites.

This is my favorite picture of a bedroom ever. The bedding is from Dwell. I want to smother my face in it.

I hate plywood, but for some reason it works here.

I want a bicycle. Not to ride, but to look at.

This bedroom reminds me of the snotty kids at camp who whisper racist things to each other in the dining hall. I love it though. Is that bad?

So, Bedroom, you are going to be transformed soon. If it’s the last thing I do. And you’re going to like it.

Love,
Orlando

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