Brace Yourself for Beautiful Bracelets

Dear Men of the World,

Don’t you get sad sometimes that ladies get to wear all sorts of exciting jewelry and all we get to wear is watches and the occasional bow tie? Jewelry is fun, but there’s not a ton of it for dudes. One thing we can get away with is bracelets. Look how cool this guy looks, in part because he’s wearing those glamorous bracelets:

Now, onto some bracelets I love, hate, and am ambivalent towards:

Miansai, $95 at Mr. Porter

Black and gold, the most luxurious combination in the history of time.

Tods, $225 from Barney’s Co-Op

Everyone knows I’m not afraid of bright colors, so naturally I love this buttery bracelet from Tods.

City Landscape, $14 from TopMan

London may have done a terrible job orchestrating the opening ceremonies of the Olympics, but the city did inspire a pretty skyline for this bangle.

Luis Morais, $675 from Mr. Porter

This looks like a Kabbalah bracelet. Which means that if you are a trendy celebrity like Madonna or Ashton Kutcher you should definitely wear one.

Tateossian, $250 from Saks

I’d like to wear this braided bracelet on a boat whilst someone named Tad serves me a cocktail.

Miansai, $65 from Mr. Porter

Hi, pretty blue bracelet. I actually have one that’s just like this except it cost like $5, not $65.

Awkward, $8 from TopMan

It was nice of TopMan to make the bracelet with my name on it.

Miansai, $90 from Mr. Porter

I’ve decided these hook things are the new anchors (side note: anchors are out). I love this gold one with that rope band. It’s totally ready for an adventure on the high seas.

Leather Wrap Bracelet, $245 from Misa Jewelry

This black/gold combo is the perfect amount of casual (raw edge leather) and chic (gold).

Tods, $225 from Saks

Another preppy bracelet to wear on the boat with Tad. Lovely.

Monique Péan Homme, $13,930 from Barney’s Co-Op

This bracelet is to die for. Also, it’s almost $14,000. You could buy a car for that much money. But honestly, I’d take this bracelet over a car any day.

Vanities, $40 from Opening Ceremony

I’m torn about this bracelet. On the one hand, I love that adorable string. On the other, I am tired of skulls. But I guess if you just ignore the skull it’s cool. And isn’t that what life is all about? Ignoring things you don’t like?

Cast of Vices, $190 from American Rag

This is another one I’m on the fence about. Part of me thinks it’s really cool and clever. Another part of me thinks it’s gimmicky and lame. What do you think?

So there it is. A collection of bracelets I want and some I don’t want.

The End,
Orlando

6 Comments

Filed under Decor

6 responses to “Brace Yourself for Beautiful Bracelets

  1. Orlando, I love you. Your blog is always so damn funny! Thanks!

  2. I like those fishhook ones a lot. One time my grandfather’s hook got stuck in my grandmother’s scalp, and that’s not a metaphor. They were fishing in a boat.

  3. Joy

    Love the leather wrap bracelet – so strong and chic!

  4. rose

    Wait, I’m sorry, $675 for a piece of red string -cord, whatever- and a couple of gold pieces? I suppose it’s real gold, but string? Seriously? I should start making silly bracelets and trying to sell them for hundreds of dollars. I would rather just have the gold!

    That said, these are mostly pretty.

  5. rose

    (I’d like to delete my previous comment after seeing Mr. Porter has $220 swim trunks to go along with the red string bracelet. There’s a reason I shop secondhand and try to be as minimalist as possible and it’s because I just can’t get on board with this type of consumerism. /rant)

  6. Arif

    Gosh… Love the Luis Morais from Mr. Potter… Simple and love the red color

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