Monthly Archives: September 2012

Oh My God Where Did You Get That ADORABLE Nazi Tee?

Dear Reader,

The other day I was at the gym when I spotted a dude wearing this T-Shirt from American Apparel.

It’s a pretty rad shirt. I love pink. I love triangles. And I love graphic tees. But the shirt is also a political statement. Now, not only can you buy ugly/ironic non-functioning spectacles and short shorts at American Apparel (thank god), you can also buy fashionably political t-shirts. Is this cool? Or perplexing? Or both? Also, I want one. Is that okay?

And now for a mini Gay history lesson, as told by someone whose knowledge of Gay history is almost as thin as Nicole Ritchie in that famous running-on-the-beach-in-a-diaper photograph.

The pink triangle was originally used by Nazis to label the Gays in concentration camps. It was appropriated by Gays in the 1970s and made popular by the Act Up movement. For those of you who don’t know Act Up, it was started by Homo Activist Larry Kramer in the 80s in response to the fact that Ronald Reagan was doing nothing about a health crisis that was killing the entire Gay community. In short, Act Up was an advocacy group that protested the government’s lack of action in AIDS research and the provision of experimental AIDS treatments for people with AIDS. They were fighting to save lives, and were thus awesome.  They protested and protested. The protests looked like this:

The Act Up protests often attracted counter protesters like these:

…Um, yes I do. Have you seen me?

Artists, like Keith Haring (above) played a huge role in Act Up, creating visuals to spread their message. Sidenote: I love Keith Haring. Love. Love. Love.

The signature of Act Up is the triangle. Which is right side up, unlike the upside down triangle used to label the Gays in Nazi concentration camps. Inverting the Nazi triangle was a way of negating it, flipping it on its head to use it as a symbol of Gay empowerment. A lot of interesting art was made utilizing that pink triangle:

Which brings me back to this American Apparel t-shirt:

Why is the triangle upside down, Nazi-style? Obviously there is some sort of appropriation/subversion thing going on considering American Apparel owner Dov Charney is Jewish, as is this model (who I know in real life because all Gay people living in Los Angeles know each other. It’s true). But I’m still a little confused…

I don’t disapprove of this shirt because American Apparel has made it clear that they are pro-Gay and pro-Jew. But it does seem kind of crazy to sell a shirt with a Nazi symbol on it without explanation. In all honesty, they probably put the triangle upside down because it’s more flattering than a regular triangle, accentuating your broad shoulders and that tiny little waist! And wouldn’t you prefer the Nazi triangle to the Act Up triangle if the Nazi one makes you look better? Don’t answer that.

Love,
Orlando

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Whut Glamour: Union Station

Dear Diary,

I’ve always loved Union Station in downtown Los Angeles. Recently I snapped some pictures there and I’d like to share them with you. The building’s style is Mission Revival and it opened in 1939. It’s has a ton of history and (GASP!) is an actual functioning train station where you can catch the train to go down south to Long Beach or up north to San Francisco. If you’ve never taken the train in California, you must! The train tracks take you along agricultural fields and grand, golden California vistas. As for Union Station, it looks like this:

Union Station even inspired this photo by Chris Camargo, who has an excellent Photo Blog:

So whatever you’re doing. It’s not important. Go to Union Station immediately and bask in the glamour of one of our nation’s most beautiful old train stations.

Love,
Orlando

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Um, What Is That On Your Face? [Evolution Man Product Review]

Dear Lovers of Facial Products for Men,

Every morning when I wake up, I look just like this:

I know what you’re thinking. Not my best look. I’ve had a hard, hard life. But don’t lose hope! After a good face scrubbing using an industrial sander I apply 17 layers of facial creams, elixirs, eye gels, bronzers, and anti-aging serums made from baby elephants. And after all that I look like this:

Okay, just kidding. I don’t really look like that either. That picture took hours of Zoolander eye smoldering, photoshopping, dreaming, and lamenting the fact that I don’t actually look like an anime character (which apparently is what all modern advertising is asking us to look like). This is what I look like in real life, sans Photoshop:

Photographs courtesy of Glamourous Celebrity Photographer Stephen Busken.

The reason Gay Dudes always look younger than the Straight Dudes is that, like Straight Women, they spend 86% of their time smearing lotion all over everything, taking breaks only to drink kombucha and sip that youth potion from “Death Becomes Her.”

One issue for men is that there aren’t a whole lot of products made specifically for us. And there’s nothing worse than feeling like a ladyface because you just smeared Lancome Rénergie Lift Volumetry Eye Cream all over yourself. Not that I’ve ever done that. (Yes I have). For Gay Homosexuals, there is nothing less attractive than smelling like a Woman’s eyeball, so it’s important to use products that don’t smell like flowers and/or old lady. This is why I’ve been so intrigued with these man products from Evolution Man. Thus, I’ve decided to review some of their key items:

Wash and Buff, $19

Do you ever have those days that are so annoying that you just want to come home and scrub your face off? There is nothing quite like extreme exfoliation to calm your nerves. Like scrubbing your face to the point it’s almost bleeding, until it’s as smooth as a baby. This product is good because it has just the right amount of exfoliants and will prevent you from sanding your epidermis off. I also like that it smells like tea tree oil, which reminds me of when I was a hippie in high school and still believed in natural remedies. I don’t think it’s a good idea to use anything stronger than this on a daily basis, but if you need a super intense scrub, I’d try Microdermabrasion Scrub from Derma E.

Verdict: Great for daily use, smells like my adolescence, I’d buy it.

Moisture Protect, $25

Would I buy something just because I liked the packaging and I wanted it to match the other products in my medicine cabinet? Yes. But I also like that this product has broad spectrum SPF and comes in a glamourous Bronzer Version for $26. And it doesn’t feel oily. Which is a big thing for me because I am constantly shiny and disgusting.

Verdict: Great daily moisture with SPF, thanks for not being oily and disgusting.

Do you remember that episode of My So-Called Life when Angela gets a zit on her chin and it, like, ruins her whole world?

Well that episode is pretty much every day of my life. Sometimes you get pimples and sometimes you don’t want to be reminded of them so sometimes you might cover them with a little something or other. This is a deep, dark secret amongst men. Some men cover their disgusting blemishes with ladymakeup. Which brings me to this product:

Conceal and Treat, $21

As far as conceal/treat things go, this one is pretty awesome. And because the packaging looks so manly, I feel 17% less like a ladyboy when I’m using it. Especially when my boyfriend barges into the bathroom, calls me a woman, and then flees the apartment in fear and disgust. This is why this type of product should probably be used secretly, in shame. And why you probably shouldn’t tell anyone you’re using it. Like I just did. Ooops.

Verdict: Being a ladyboy is better than having an Angela Chase zit on your chin, man up and buy this concealer.

Lip Balm, $10

I apply chapstick about every 4 minutes so this one is a no-brainer. Downside is that the cap tends to fall off if you keep it in your pocket because of the rubbery finish of the container. Upside is that it smells like coconuts. And it is my belief that the sole purpose of living is to smell like a coconut.

Verdict: You can never have enough lip balm, especially if it smells like coconuts.

Revitalize Eye Gel, $28

Every time I apply eye cream, I secretly expect to be immediately transformed into the beautiful teenager I never was. That didn’t necessarily happen with this product (I’ve only used it once so far) but I did like the consistency. Recently, every eye cream I use is either too thick or too runny. If it’s too thick it makes me rub so hard I practically rip out my eyeballs. If it’s too runny it looks like I’m crying milk.

Verdict: Great consistency, still waiting to transform into teenage supermodel. 

In closing, I’d like to say I was not paid for this post by Evolution Man and was free to write whatever I wanted. I have genuinely been interested in their products and wanted to review them for Hommemaker for quite some time. That being said, can I have my money now?

Love,
Orlando

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Around The Apartment – What’s Happening in the Hallway

Dear Diary,

One of my favorite aspects of my apartment is that it has a glamourous hallway dressing area where I can spin around every morning whilst looking in the mirror, fearing all the day has in store for me. This area is where I keep the majority of my clothing. It also has a random built-in dresser. My apartment building was built in the 1950s and for some reason has a ridiculous amount of storage space. Which is good for me because I hate throwing things away. For example, I own this hideous Garfield shirt:

I know. I know. It’s disgusting. But I love it. I don’t know why it just makes me happy. The only thing cooler would be a Cathy shirt ACK!) or maybe one of those Big Dog shirts from the 90s (Remember those? They were so cool). My point is that I need a lot of storage space because I have loads and loads of ugly clothes. And so I’m thankful for all the storage space my apartment has to offer. I also love that the built-in dresser in my hallway makes for a beautiful vignette.

This photo is actually just an oversized postcard I bought at the Whitney Biennial four years ago. It was documentation of a dance performance/installation by Fritz Haeg that took place in the museum. Also, it is a constant reminder to stretch every morning.

The mirror is from the Rose Bowl Flea Market. $100. It’s a gorgeous, heavy old piece. I bought the deer hook at Urban Outfitters for $28. I use it to hang all my ugly bracelets, ugly necklaces, and ugly rings. I keep some of my bow ties on a vintage wood tray and all my sunglasses on a raku tray I made years ago at Pretentious Summer Camp. Because all gays love Warhol, I have his delightful Red Books Polaroid collection on display (you can get your own for $60 on Powells, I highly recommend it).

The only thing I’m not loving right now is the wall color. It’s a little too beige for my taste. I hate beige a lot. Almost as much as I hate those totally annoying and gross Svedka sex robot vodka ads (How do they exist? They are so unbelievably, outrageously creepy and disgusting!). So, yeah, I hate the wall color and I’m playing with the idea of painting the hallway a pretty grey.

But then I’m all “Oh, Self, why must you paint everything grey all the time?” I recently bought grey sheets for my bed. And then I made the bed whilst wearing grey sweatpants, a grey shirt, grey socks, and grey underwear. Grey is so easy and so calming. But life shouldn’t always be easy and calming. Sometimes it should be bright, crazy, and ridiculous (like my ugly hair in high school). Which is why I was so excited to find this Flamingo Wallpaper from Cole and Son:

I never met a flamingo print I didn’t like. And this one is so good.

I might also just paint the hallway a dark, sexy color. It doesn’t get a whole of light so that could help give the space a moody, glamourous look.

I’m still not sure what color I’m going to paint the walls. The one thing I am certain of is that I will continue to wear my ugly clothes and thus will continue to need storage space for them. If I’m going to run around dressed like a 90s cartoon character, at least my dressing space can look chic.

Love,
Orlando

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My So-Called Client: “Jon”

Dear Everyone,

When I meet new people they often ask me what I do. As soon as I start to answer, they regret asking. My response to this question is always long-winded and tiresome. Firstly, I work for TV’s Emily Henderson (and yes, I always insert the “TV’s” in front of her name, even when addressing her directly). We work on TV stuff, blog stuff, and marketing stuff. I also have my own blog, work on film, TV, and photo shoots, and have my own design clients. So I do a lot of different things and I love all of them. If you ask me what I want to do when I grow up, I’ll tell you. All I want to do when I grow up is everything.

That being said, my passion lies in creating beautiful compositions. Whether they be at a client’s house or on a canvas. I am starting to sound like a cheesy brochure for myself. I just want everyone to know why I’m all of the sudden talking about design clients when before I was talking about gay bodies and searching for the perfect shelving unit.

I have this new client that lives in a gorgeous 1920s apartment in Hollywood. I’m going to call him “Jon” for the purpose of this post. He’s a successful writer and a super nice guy. He happens to write for/produce one of my very favorite television shows so I’m always trying my hardest not to quote it to him when we are meeting (I can’t tell you what show because I’ve promised to keep his identity top secret. Anyone who knows me knows that keeping a secret is nearly impossible for me so this might be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my whole life).

Jon’s apartment is totally beautiful. It’s full of character and has tons of gorgeous detail in the moulding. Luckily, the apartment is already painted a pretty color.

According to my scientific calculations, it’s Benjamin Moore Oyster Shell, which is a lovely warm grey color:

This is the living room before he moved in, with the previous tenants’ furniture.

How much do you love that detail in the doorway? I love it so much I want to bite it. And then wear it as a hat. And then take it home to meet my parents.

The crown moulding is a little bit ornate, but we are going very simple and clean with furnishings so the contrast will be nice with the building’s traditional flourishes.

Depending on how we are doing on budget, we might change out this chandelier. It’s beautiful, but a little too small. To me it screams, “Gurl, let’s have some tea with the ladiez!” Which isn’t exactly what you want in a cool bachelor pad inhabited by a hip dude.

Again, this is the furniture from the previous tenant. We are going to be doing the same basic layout though, with a chair and reading lamp situation next to the fireplace.

I’m planning on doing a fun decal in the non-functional fireplace. I like these three:

This is the bedroom but we are going to use it as the writing/music studio. Like me, Jon has many interests which vary from writing hit TV shows to composing his own music. Sidenote: why wasn’t I born with any musical talent? I hate everything.

The apartment has a ton of beautiful windows and so much pretty natural light.

Now onto things I want to buy for Jon. Firstly, this thing:

Okay, I didn’t actually buy it. But it’s ridiculous, right? I can’t decide if it’s ridiculous in a good way or ridiculous in a bad way. I found it at Wertz Brothers.

We got this table from HD Buttercup. Jon likes things that are quirky and unique, so this table ($950) fit the bill perfectly.

We paired the dining table with these mid-century dining chairs. $400 for the set of 4 from Modcrib:

The upholstery on the chairs looks great, but we might have them upholstered in a more vibrant color if we can fit it into the budget.

Because Jon just moved from New York and had zero furniture, we also needed to get him a sofa. He wanted a big comfortable sectional. I wanted clean lines. Our needs met with this piece from Blueprint Furniture. It’s called the Garamond Sectional and it’s a steal at $1199.

Jon loves mid-century, so he was attracted to this vintage piece from Modcrib. $375.

We nabbed this piece for $200 at Sunset Bazaar.

We are using it in the dining room, topped with this lamp from West Elm.

I bought him this awesome rug from Rugs USA for $350.

I found these great wingback chairs ($150/pair) at Modcrib. They have a great, classic shape and a few interesting details that make them more exciting than your average wingback.

I had the chair upholstered in glamorous velvet from Home Fabrics in disgusting Downtown Los Angeles. I used to love the idea of downtown LA. But if you go down there to look at fabrics and buy drapery rods, it’s like hell on earth. It always smells like hot dogs and it’s always 145 degrees (even in winter). There are some trendy parts of Downtown, but those are mostly ridiculously overpriced condos surrounded by homeless encampments. [End rant]. Anyway, sometimes you just have to go Downtown. Mainly when you want to get glamourous velvet for $17.95 a yard. And that makes it worth it.

The price breakdown for these chairs was as follows:

Original Price: $75
Fabric (4 yards for each chair): $80
Uphostery labor: $320

Total: $475

I know that doesn’t sound super cheap, but I dare you to find a chair of that quality that will last as long for $475. These will last forever and the shape and color is so classic that they will only get better with age as they get more worn, cozy, and tattered.

I bought this high boy for the bedroom. $200 from Pepe’s Thrift Shop. Sidenote: Sometimes I wear tank tops to work. So what?!? Who cares.

Unfortunately that mirror won’t hang horizontally so I bought this delightful “O” mirror from Wertz Brothers ($60):

I found this coffee table at TINI. $275.

Red is not in our color pallet, so the plan right now is to paint the coffee table Bunker Hill Green from Benjamin Moore:

This is also from TINI. I haven’t bought it yet because it’s expensive but I love it.

I got these bedside tables for the master bedroom. $95 each from TINI.

Finally I found this beautiful old box for $200. It’s super old and aged (just like my face after a weekend of pool parties and margaritas). I found it at Wertz Brothers and immediately knew I had to have it. It’s going to rest at the end of Jon’s bed.

For the hallway, I founds this burl console table. I actually bought this from myself on my Hipswap shop. I was all “Hey Orlando can I buy that burl table?” and then I was all “Hey, Self, sure!” and then I was like “Hey Orlando can I get a good deal?” and I was all “No” and then I realized I was a terrible person.

I’m probably going to hang a big, graphic piece of art above the console. For now we are using that Frank Lloyd Wright print as a placeholder. The basket is from West Elm. The rug is from Ikea, $25.

There’s still a ton of work to do at Jon’s house. But it’s shaping up quite nicely and I’m glad that we are 90% done with the furniture shopping. I’m excited to get to the next step where I get to start styling everything, hanging art, and making the place look as cool as Jon.

Love,
Orlando

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Instagramz: Reupholstered Chair

Dear Diary,

I got this chair upholstered for a client. I had it covered in glamourous navy blue velvet and now I’m obsessed with it. The kind of obsessed where I want to wait outside its apartment to see if it walks out, just so I can ask it for its autograph. Would it be rude to steal it back from the client?

Love,
Orlando

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Whut Glamour: My Painting In A Beautiful Chicago Residence!

Dear MJ Lanphier Interior Design,

Thanks for commissioning this painting from me. It looks great in the dining room of this Chicago residence, flanked by two lovely chairs. Glamour.

Love,
Orlando

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God Hates Flags (No He Doesn’t)

Dear Flags,

You’re all over the place these days. I started obsessing when I saw this image from Design Sponge. Of course, the whole thing is reliant on how aged and full of history that flag is. This Ikea Malm Bed looks totally cool because it’s surrounded by that great flag and a bunch of other awesome stuff.

This barn exists on Highway 41, outside my hometown of Yosemite Village, California. I’ve always been fascinated with it, even though it was probably painted by crazy xenophobes who run around accusing everyone of being terrorists.

You know how sometimes you’re like “I want distinctive and interesting drapery!” and then you can’t find any. Well these people just used an old flag and it looks great. Let this be a lesson to you.

This look is a little more clean, modern, and Jasper Johns-y, but it works well with the all-white decor in this room.

And now onto a flag that I like even more than the American flag. The Californian flag. Everyone who knows me knows I am a blowhard about the fact that California is the best state in the Union. And our flag, with its adorable fluffy bear, is the best flag in the world. Here is the original one:

Here is another vintage flag. The font is a lot more delicate than the current one.

And this girl. She’s all “Hay, I moved to California because I’m blonde!” The frame on the flag makes it a lot more elegant.

This is a painting of the flag. Pretty adorable.

If you’ve ever been to California, you know most of our time is spent on the back of vintage vehicles, driving around clad in Levi’s, quoting Walt Whitman whilst enjoying the vast natural landscape of our great Golden State. Because none of us have jobs or responsibilities, we spend the entirety of our lives celebrating our freedom whilst listening to Joni Mitchell.

And so when I found an awesome vintage California flag I was excited. I hung it in my bedroom above my bed.

My boyfriend was all “I think we should clean this.” And I was all “Duh. Like me, the fact that this flag is dirty and tattered is what makes it so cool.” This flag has been loved so much, has flown high above a California schoolhouse, and now lives happily above my bed.

I love the face the bear is making. He’s like, “Oh my god did you know Rianna’s name is actually pronounced “REE-ANNA?” Gross. I liked her so much more when I thought it was pronounced “REE-ONNA.” It’s a scientific fact that our state bear is totally sassy.

Each night, before I go to bed, I pledge allegiance to the flag of California. Mainly because it provides so many wonderful decorative applications.

Love,
Orlando

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Saying Goodbye To An Old Friend

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I donated my car to KPCC, my favorite radio station. This is quite an easy thing to do and I highly recommend it if you A) have a car to get rid of and B) care about supporting news that isn’t sensationalistic propaganda (i.e. most mainstream news). The car was still drivable but needed so many expensive repairs that keeping it no longer made sense. And because it needed so many repairs I worried about the karmic repercussions of selling it to an individual buyer. Thus, I found myself yesterday morning clearing the car of all my belongings, shoving them all into those large blue Ikea bags. At which point I started crying.  Ugly sobbing all over the place. Tears of absolute loss and sorrow.

At first I didn’t really understand what I was so upset about. The car was clearly no longer practical for me and was sucking my already starving bank account even drier. But this is the irrationality of our relationship with objects. My 1999 Cross Country Volvo Station Wagon was no longer just my car. It was a trusted old friend. One that sometimes let me down but was always there for me.

I’ve been driving the Volvo since I was 16. My parents bought the car my senior year of high school and to me it was the epitome of Northern California glamour. With its supple leather interior, dazzling moonroof, and keyless entry, it was the most luxurious car my family had ever owned. Because my disgusting high school was a 1.5 hour drive from my house, I often ended up taking that car to school (my own car was a 20-year-old Volvo station wagon that couldn’t be trusted in the snow). The drive to school was treacherous, down the curvy Highway 140, a scenic highway nestled in the Merced Canyon. Whenever I drove that car I felt protected and safe, as Volvos are known for their sturdy structure and endless safety features.

In the years I lived back East for college and New York the Volvo was my California car, the car I drove every time I came home. In this period it represented home, familiarity. For native Californians living in New York there is nothing more comforting than returning to California and driving on our beautiful country roads, going to the grocery market and parking right in front without having to worry about schlepping your groceries ten humid blocks to get home. The Volvo represented this kind of Californian mobility, liberation from the cramped New York lifestyle.

My parents passed down the Volvo to me in 2010, after a year of tragic occurrences, the year my nephew died, the year my best friend lost her father. 2010 was the saddest year of my life. It was also the year I was cast to be on an HGTV show called Secrets From A Stylist. A job that changed my life completely while introducing me to one of my closest friends. My parents gave me the car because I needed it for work. Because I had just come back from New York and had no car. And because I was just recovering from an incredibly frustrating year of career downturns and personal loss.

I received the Volvo when I really needed it, and my parents act of giving at that time is representative to me of all they worked to give me my whole life, the amazing childhood they provided me. The excursions we took together, the freedom to talk about what we wanted to talk about, the encouragement to follow our interests. The car was just another example of the care I received throughout my childhood. And for this reason the car was no longer just a car. The car was love.

When objects stop being objects and start being the physical manifestation of relationships and history, getting rid of them can be incredibly painful. This is probably one of the reasons so many people struggle with hoarding, fear of losing the past, history. So today I am mourning the loss of an old friend and family member. I miss the Volvo.

Moving on to brighter territory, I did something I never thought I’d do. I bought a Prius. True, they are totally ugly. And true, they don’t have the cargo space that a Volvo has. But they get amazing gas mileage. As someone who drives a ton for work, I’m saving a lot on gas money while doing something small to show I care about the impending doom of global warming. Plus, my Prius is my favorite color, navy blue:

I don’t think I’ll ever have the personal attachment for the Prius that I had for the Volvo. The Prius wasn’t there for me in high school and it never welcomed me back from New York. But the Volvo will always represent my teens and twenties. And now that I’m 30, it’s time to move on to the next chapter.

Love,
Orlando

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Around The Apartment: Let’s Paint Something!

Dear Diary,

Lately I’ve been working at home a lot. Sometimes I love working from home. I can drink coffee all day whilst listening to NPR and not wearing any pants. But sometimes it makes me feel like a crazy person. The late summer heat makes me feel restless and being alone all day with only Facebook chat and the crisp, clear voice of Lachshmi Singh to keep me company can totally isolating. Thus, I’ve decided to go back to my roots as a lunatic artist. I figure if I have to be alone all day I might as well become a weirdo recluse that makes dumb paintings and spends the rest of the day rearranging pots of succulents. That is pretty much what I do anyway so this wont be a major change of pace for me.

This is what my dining room looks like right now. Mess. Kind of like your mom.

According to my scientific calculations, I like the color blue.

My glamourous (and clever) friend World-Famous Interior Designer Matthew Lanphier had this canvas in his living room, waiting for me to paint it. In the interim, he put some vinyl lettering on it and hung it above his sofa. Let this be a lesson to everyone. If you don’t have an artist friend you can manipulate into making a painting for you, just think of something witty and write it on a blank canvas with vinyl letters (you can get these at any hardware store). This will make people think you are smart and popular and everyone will want to be your friend.

For some unknown reason my new thing is painting geometric shapes and juxtaposing them against organic, watercolored fields of color. I have no idea what this means but it probably has something to do with the fact that I was raised in the middle of the woods but always wanted to have pores so tiny that it looked like my skin was made out of plastic.

This is what my bedroom looked like until this morning. I was never really satisfied with the composition of the art on the wall but I didn’t know what to do so I just lived with it. Kind of like Katie Holmes lived with Tom Cruise for five years before she ran screaming and flailing from the house.

I used to be obsessed with gallery walls and wanted to put them everywhere. But I’m sort of getting tired of them and now I just want enormous paintings everywhere. Collected gallery walls have their place, but you just can’t beat a big ass painting.

This is what the bedroom looks like now. I made this painting for Matthew Lanphier but now I kind of want it for myself. I hate it when that happens.

I had to put the painting in my bedroom because I loved it so much I wanted to sleep with it. Wink.

I’m also experimenting with having this gigantic cactus in my bedroom. I know it’s terrifying, but I love how sculptural it is. Plus, I grew it from a baby and I’m really proud of how big it’s gotten. I’ve had it since I was sixteen. Which wont be any consolation when it falls over on my face one night while I’m sleeping and I have to wear a Phantom of the Opera mask for the rest of my life.

How pretty is this succulent? The bright color makes me so happy I want to bite it in half.

A fun fact about me is that I am dating a convict and he stole this succulent and gave it to me. Part of that story is true (but I wont tell which part).

Like most modern homosexuals, I like to casually display books and plants to let people know that I not only love literature, I also love nature.

I made this piece for my kitchen. You really can’t go wrong with a pink painting. Ever.

I found this mask at Goodwill for $5 and fell in love with it. I have no idea where it’s from because I’m not a professional anthropologist but it looks like it could be from Mexico.

Perhaps I haven’t solved the issues of boredom and isolation that come with working from home, but at least I have a few more things to ogle while I do. And what is the point of life if it isn’t to sit by yourself, ogling the objects around you that will never be able to replace actual human companionship?

Love,
Orlando

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