Top Ten Gay Houses To Live In Before You Die

Dear Boy Scouts of America, Remember that one time you banned gays from your organization, even though like half of everyone that was ever a Boy Scout is gay? Think about it, anyone who wants to run around in the woods, make crafts (pinewood derby anyone?), wear tiny navy blue shorts, and do role playing games where you pretend to be Paul Bunyon is probably a homosexual. As a former Scout myself, I was offended when you decided to make the ban on gays official. As a Boyscout, you learn to be resourceful, inventive, and to make a tent out…

Be Still My Art

Dear Santa Monica, I resent you. Not because you’re not appealing and I don’t appreciate your pretty coastal views and your superior coffee shops. But mostly because you’re so far away. When someone moves West from the central part of Los Angeles (West Hollywood, Hollywood, Los Feliz, Silverlake, etc), we all pretty much say goodbye to them. People who live on the West Side are pretty much dead to everyone else. This is why I found it so hard to work up the motivation to drive all the way to Santa Monica on Sunday to enjoy the Art Los Angeles…

That One Time I Almost Single White Female’d My Client

Dear Diary, Remember that movie Single White Female? Where Bridget Fonda was all “Hay I’m Bridget Fonda I’m pretty and Jane Fonda is my auntie” and then Jennifer Jason Leigh is all “Hay Bridget Fonda I want to steal your boyfriend and stab you with a high heel.” I saw that movie when I was ten and it enriched my life forever. It’s just so good. Pretty girls running around an apartment trying to escape being murdered by high heels? It reminds me of a typical Saturday in West Hollywood. Anyway, I’ve been feeling pretty Single White Femaley recently, upon…

Some Drawings That Came Out of the Closet

Dear Diary, I have these neighbors that live upstairs and sometimes my boyfriend and I sneak up to their deck to water their plants, luxuriate in the sun, and pretend we live there (they live in the penthouse right above us so this is very convenient). Yesterday, after a major succulent repotting session, we wandered into their apartment (invited in, sort of) and snooped around in their closets. I’m not a nosy person. Actually, scratch that, yes I am and I love looking at other people’s closets. This particular closet snoop was particularly fruitful because I found a bag filled…

Five Things I Need For My Extreme Makeover: Homme Edition

Dear Helen Frankenthaler, Remember when you sat in this room full of your paintings and it was like ‘Oh, my god’? Me neither, but this image shows me everything I’ve ever wanted in a living space: giant art, the color blue, and girl wearing a hairband. Because it is the dead of winter and we just did all that New Years resoluting, I have change on my mind. Which means that it’s time to maniacally makeover my apartment. I lucked out with my glamourous gay Melrose Place apartment building, but there are a few little things missing from my living…

Orlando’s Obsession: Vintage Interview Magazines

Dear Andy Warhol, I have been obsessed with you since I read your Diaries when I was 14. I started reading your Interview Magazine around the same time. This magazine epitomized (and still does) everything glamorous about living in New York: fashion, music, art, and the bohemian lifestyle of the city’s creative community. I still subscribe to Interview after all theses years (yes, I still read magazines made out of paper) and receiving it always makes me happy. While the new issues of Interview are always great, I’ve developed a passion for the vintage ones. This passion began a few years…

New Years Resolutions Every Gay Should Live By

Dear Gays, Are you, like me, still hungover from celebrating New Years? Did you mean to have tons of resolutions this year, but now you’re too braindead and irritated to think of any? Well you’re in luck, because I’ve taken the liberty of thinking of some resolutions for you. Living by these rules will bring you much success (and a man!) in 2013. I promise. 1. Go on a weird diet that freaks everyone out. Whatever your body composition is, why not change it up for 2013? If, like me, you went a little crazy with eating and drinking during…