Take Me to Haverland: Part 4

Photographs by Stephen Smith and Kristi Stiff

Dear Michael Haverland,

I’ve been jealous of you for a while now. I love all the delightful architectural projects in your portfolio. I love the way you combine mid-century with contemporary in a non-gross way. I love the way your hair whips about in the wind, tossing back and forth when you laugh in that warm, hearty way only you can laugh. Just kidding I have no idea what you look or sound like.

I have never wanted to be an architect. Mainly because I know too many of them and it involves wearing too much black and saying things like “I don’t understand the narrative of that space” while looking into the distance, squinting and thinking about how superior you are. But seeing your New York Apartment made me feel like maybe, just maybe I’d be an architect. If it meant that I got to be totally rich and allow me to have your glamour apartment.

Apparently this awesome duplex apartment was designed by Haverland, but decorated by his adorable husbear Philip Galanes, who, like me is an interior designer, writer, and unsolicited advice-giver (he wrote an etiquette advice book).

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The most striking (and questionable?) design choice in the whole place is this wall treatment. They used MDF medallions to mimic the lovely traditional coffered ceiling. I guess it’s a totally cool way to engage the space without totally overwhelming it. Or is it?

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I love that they have that random sheep accessory. Like it’s stupid. But awesome. One of the most perplexing parts of interior design is finding that line between things that are genius and just plain ridiculous. I feel like the sheep sits on that line. But definitely ends up on the “genius” side.

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Oh that I were one of those adorable little blue chairs. Just staring out the window at their glorious Greenwich Village view.

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Is there like  a secret Rich People club where they give you a Damien Hirst painting upon entry? I feel like every glamourhouse in the world has one.

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They really went all out with those wall medallions. At first I hated them, but they grew on me. It’s a very unique way of doing a wall treatment. And you definitely wont see it at your neighbors house…

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I love that wayfunky lounge chair. And that amazingly tall, slender chandelier. It reminds me of a beautiful 1980s supermodel.

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Does that crazy red lamp remind anyone else of the water head thing from The Abyss? Also, did you know that I think about the water head thing from The Abyss like at least once every day? I don’t know why, I only saw that movie once. Maybe I identify with it because it’s so transparent and it goes around creeping everyone out all the time.

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This is their glamourkitchen. Anywhere else in the world you would barge into their kitchen and (in a doofus voice) be like “WHY THIS KITCHEN SO SMALL!” But in New York you’d be all “Oh my god this kitchen is so big and amazing! You’re so lucky! When I had my first baby she had to sleep in the oven because there was nowhere else to put her! Oh New York!” [Turns to camera, corny smile].

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Finally, here is the bathroom. I don’t know why I am showing you this aside from the fact that there is a circular mirror in there. And I love all circular mirrors. Always.

In closing, I hope you and your husbear like your awesome apartment, Haverland. I’ll totally take it off your hands if you’re tired of it.

Love,

Orlando

9 Comments

Filed under Decor

9 Responses to Take Me to Haverland: Part 4

  1. Kevin Orlin Johnson

    Good one! I’m not crazy about gluing plates to the walls and ceilings, but you did give us that link to Damien Hirst’s page, and I really like that first room, the one at Doha. Colorful walls, skylightish thing, and perfectly clean floor. Only things that I’d change would be to take that poster out of there, and that table thing. Other than that. I like that room.

    • Kevin Orlin Johnson

      Oh. That’s not a poster. I need a new monitor. Still.

      • Are you referring to the Hirst piece? If so, it is technically a “poster.” Albeit, a very expensive screen-print poster. It makes the room, in my opinion. That and the Josef Albers’ Homage to the Square prints. These two have an amazing collection of art!

        On a side note, anyone (I’m looking at you, Orlando!) have a guess as to the walls and mouldings paint colors? I’m looking to repaint my interiors and this is exactly what I want.

  2. I want, no i NEED to live in this apartment

  3. 1. you take awesome shots.
    2. interesting pad!
    3. are those animals or pillows?
    4. i want some unsolicited advice!

  4. Confession: in case my earlier comments haven’t made it abundantly clear, I follow mainly for the writing. So the place is fine, but the comment about the sheep? Pure gold.

  5. Your assessment of architects is right on – it made me guffaw! (Literally) For the most part I loved the apartment and the decor but I didnt like the wall treatments – I think I would always be a little stressed about one of them falling off and hitting someone in the head. The sheep I liked because at first I thought it was a dog and thought, “How nice they have their pet in the photograph.” Hated the kitchen though. I would be grouchy every time I had to cook in there. Loved the tile in the bathrooms – esp because I have that same subway tile in both of mine 😉 You’re brilliant, though, I love reading your work!

  6. rachel

    Reading these comments makes me realize that everyone writes comments just to try to sound extra quirky/hip/sophisticated/asskisserish.

    it’s entertaining. I might just start skipping to the comments

  7. Kathy

    I have to admit the wall treatments make me nervous and anxious…too much movement going on. The sheep is genius; I love the little, miniature herd of toy sheep on the coffee table too! Actually, the red light reminds me of the eyeball-tentacle-things from the machines in “War of The Worlds” (Tom Cruise). But “The Abyss” has always been one of my favs.

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