Check out the delightful accessories I stare at all day on my Guest Post on Emily’s Blog.
Category Archives: Emily
Alt Summit: How I Survived A Conference For Girls
Check out my post on Emily’s Blog about Alt Summit, how I survived, and how it felt to be surrounded by 650 adorable hipster ladybloggers.
Filed under Emily
Shopping With Emily
Filed under Emily
What To Do With All These Ugly Things
What have I been shopping for? Check out my post on Emily’s blog.
Filed under Emily
Shopping With Emily (Without Emily)
Dear You,
Firstly, I’d just like to thank you for being you. Secondly, I’d like to let you know about a super exciting post I just wrote for Emily’s blog. Go check out Shopping With Emily!
Love,
Orlando
Filed under Emily, Fun Finds, I Bought Something
Wherefore Art Thou Roman Shade?
Dear Roman Polanski,
I know you’ve been quite controversial recently, and I’m not going to comment on that. What I will comment on is the fact that you share a name with my favorite type of window covering (Roman Shades). And perhaps that counts for something. Actually, no it doesn’t…
Roman Shades are a great alternative to drapery for a few reasons. Firstly, if you’re a dude (or a butch lesbian), they’re way more masculine in appearance than a flowing drape. Having them in your apartment and/or home will make you look way less ladypants than a house full of girly drapery. Not that there’s anything wrong with looking ladypants. I’m wearing women’s jeans right now. Secondly, Romans are more modern. So if you like rectangles and hard edges, a roman shade is probably much more your style. Finally, I like romans because they are practical for spaces where you can’t allow drapery to fall all the way to the floor (i.e. behind a bench or somewhere you’ll be sitting). I’m not a fan of curtains that don’t go to the floor (often called “cafe curtains”).
The only problem I have with Romans is how expensive they are. Making them custom normally costs $250-$500 per window, which makes them totally cost prohibitive for a lot of people. But Emily turned me on to this great resource that I’d like to share with you. Don’t be scared by the name (believe me, I was). It’s a company called Country Curtains. The name might conjure images of someone named Jeb sitting on the front porch playing a ukulele whilst chewing on a piece of straw, but don’t be scared, they actually have some great stuff. Recently we used their Cordless Roman Shades for a client and I’m super happy with how they turned out. Each window cost around $79.50 (the cost is based on window width) so we did the whole project for less than $600 (which isn’t bad because there were seven windows altogether).
Here are some images of the breakfast nook with newly installed Roman Shades:
In addition to the style we ordered, they have some other great options. I like this Woven Cordless Roman Shade. $86.50 – $116.50.
This Ticking Stripe Rolling Shade is adorable, right? I want to put it in my bedroom. We would have used it for our client but there’s already a lot of pinstripe in the house and that would have taken it over the edge. $46.50 – $54.50.
The Woven Shades also come with a border, which I like for a slightly more formal look. $89.50 – $119.50.
This is another image of the style we used for our client. $69.50 – $199.50.
Now that I’ve discovered how cheap these Romans/Roller shades are I kind of want to put them all over my house and/or my body. I love you Romans! Not you, Roman Polanski; you’re totally a weirdo.
Love,
Orlando
Shopping With Emily / Give Me That!
Dear Everyone,
Look at these new chairs I found for my apartment at the Long Beach Flea Market! See them and more of my finds in my shopping post on Emily’s Blog today. It will be the most important thing you do in your whole life.
Love,
Orlando
P.S. Here is the link to my shopping wrap-up.
Filed under Emily, Flea Market Finds, Fleamarkettimez
The Rose Bowl: My Heart Will Go On And On!
Dear Kate Winslet,
Remember that scene in Titanic where you and Leonardo Dicaprio are so cold that you look like this?
Yeah, me neither. It’s been ages since I saw that movie. But the above picture describes perfectly how cold Emily and I were when we showed up to Rose Bowl on Sunday at 5:45 AM. I was pretty much wearing a speedo and a backpack and my teeth were chattering (I think I need to hire someone to dress me in the morning, I’m a total idiot). Emily was dressed more sensibly, but by the end of the morning neither of us could feel our feet. I tell you this not to make you feel sorry for us, but to let you know how very dedicated we are at beating people to the best deals at the Bowl. We love our clients enough to freeze to death in order to find furniture for them.
We liked this chesterfield for $800. Emily was all “It’s real leather!” and then I was like “No it isn’t.” and then she was like “You ruin everything.” And that was that.
Emily practically started making out with this sofa when she saw it. It’s freshly reupholstered velvet that you just want to stick your whole face in. $750. A steal! We didn’t buy it because we didn’t have a client for it and Emily’s blue sofa collection is getting out of hand. (I’m scared).
If Brian ever asks me what he can do to keep Emily interested, I’m going to tell him to dress up in a wicker costume. I mean, every time that girl sees something wicker she’s all over it. I like wicker too, but I think wicker is a lot harder for dudes to get away with so I tend to run the other way when I see it. This was $300. I had to pull Emily away from it, kicking and screaming.
This was one of those moments when you’re like “Is this cool? Or ugly?” And then you blink and when you open your eyes you realize it’s hideous and feel ashamed for looking at it in the first place. God, why am I so mean today? I think it’s my OrlanDiet. I’M SO HUNGRY!
We bought this delightful table for our equally delightful client. $695.
Who doesn’t love a worn leather suitcase? $20.
Get this: 90 yards of fabric for $90. That’s a dollar a yard! Trust me, I was a math major. (No I wasn’t). And it’s so cool. I hope there’s some left over for me to make Hammer Pants out of.
Little brass table, come to me. $30.
Hi Woven Chair, I just love those turned arms! $75.
Those Kilim pillows are killin’ em! $40/set of 2.
We wanted to buy this coffee table for our friend Corbett but instead we bought it for our other friend Rachna. $300.
We purchased this suave guy for a bachelor pad we’re doing. $135.
These French friends are going to be king chairs at another home we’re decorating. $90/set 2.
Look at these little brass antelope bookends! $40.
We bought this classic dresser for our bachelor pad. I kind of coveted it, but I already have a dresser and it would be rude to steal from our clients. Right? $400.
Dear World, I’m a brass-legged side table and I’m the cutest thing ever. Love, Brass Side Table
We bought these two mid-century chairs for a project we like to call “The Cool House” (because the clients are so cool). We thought the retro fabric on the left might scare the homeowners. So if they don’t want it I’m taking it home. I’ll name him Harold and he will be my new boyfriend. We’ll argue about how he’s such an old fuddy duddy and can’t keep up with the times. Eventually, he’ll undergo a massive surgery so that I will love him again. I’m scared that I just made that story up. The pair cost $600.
Do you think it’s okay for a boy to have one of these crazy big round loungers? Because I really want one. This one was pretty rad. Emily was all “I love the pattern!” and then I was like “EWWWWWWW! That COLOR!” and she was like “I’m not talking about the stupid color I’m talking about the pattern!” and then we were fighting and then we made up and then we hugged. $300.
We bought this ugly old vinyl ottoman for $60. But guess what, this ugly old vinyl ottoman is going to be reupholstered in sumptuous linen and is going to be the most glamourous coffee table ottoman ever known to man. So there.
We thought this dresser was cute. But it was an actual piece of junk so we passed. Literally falling apart before our eyes. $125.
I don’t know why I took a picture of this. Probably because it was so disgusting. Reupholstered they’d be totally cute Hollywood glam, but who let their cat EAT these things? I mean, just imagining what happened to them is giving me nightmares. $300/pair.
We found these fun French jugs. They’re big, and weren’t cheap. Sometimes you gotta pay the price. $160/set 3.
All in all, it was the most fulfilling day of our lives. Once the sun came up, the freezing weather subsided and was replaced by warmth, fun, and about five million people eating hot dogs right in front of my face. Afterward, Emily, Corbett and I went to Secret Lunch (at a location SO secret, no one will ever find it) and talked about how we’d remember our day at the Rose Bowl forever, and would someday tell this legend to our grandchildren and their grandchildren. No we didn’t. We talked about boys can clothes and the mall. We’re only human.
Love,
Orlando
Filed under Emily, Flea Market Finds, Fleamarkettimez, Fun Finds
Shopping With Emily: Get Your Hand Off My Brass!
Dear Emily,
Well it certainly was a fun and exciting holiday season this year. It was the best of times, it was the best of time, but thank goodness it’s over. I mean, REALLY. We have so much to do it’s not even funny. And by “so much to do” I mean so much to buy.
One of our clients is really into gold and brass. In fact, Emily and I spent three days in her house going crazy with gold accessories, gold spray paint, and gold leafing. I have a secret desire to paint every single thing in my apartment gold (down to my toothbrush). It’s an addiction. Spray painting something gold makes it automatically more exciting. Try it. If your husband is sitting next to you, paint him gold and watch how sexy he becomes (yum!). It’s just a scientific fact that gold things are way more attractive than non-gold things. I need to calm down. But I can’t.
Ok, so I found this cute little brass lamp at Wertz Brothers (one of our fave resources for vintage furniture). Nothing too special but a good deal at $49 because they’re usually around $250 if they’re good. And they look very handsome next to a reading chair. Just like me.
I can’t tell what I think of this one. I think it’s either disgusting or awesome, which probably means it’s cool beyond comprehension. It’s also $29. Whut-WHUT?
I liked this for one of our clients who needs a new filing cabinet. It’s totally functional even though it has so much age and character to it. Like your mom. $195.
Trunks are kind of like benches, you can never have too many of them because they fill awkward empty spaces so nicely and are a nice place to put thing (like tea kettles and copies of your various restraining orders). $199.
There were a few cute mid-century desks. I like this one but not as much as another one below.
I like these turned legs. I feel like this would be a cute desk for a lady if it were spray lacquered white. $499.
This was the desk I liked. The asymmetry really says something to me. It says, “Hey Orlando! I’m me, and even though I’m not symmetrical, I’m a delight! Come sit and write The Great American Novel!” $499.
I never knew I had a thing for drums, but apparently I do. This one is humongo. 3′ wide. Well I guess that doesn’t sound so humongous. But, it’s pretty big for a drum. I kind of want it was a coffee table or a large side table. $349.
Pretty classic chrome nesting tables. $199.
I feel like this disgusting sofa would be totallyhot reupholstered. And [GASP!] it has brass legs! $399.
This chaise is ugly and looks like a whale, but if we took off the skirt and made the cushion slightly less inflated, it would be good for our French country client. That plumpness of the cushion reminds me of how I felt after Christmas dinner and for most of my teens. Blub. $795.
This DISGUSTING find is from Goodwill. It was $99. But get this, it’s a sleeper! And guess who has been looking for a sleeper for, like, ever? ME! So I’m the proud new owner of a revolting sofa! I literally made barfing noises for three minutes when I saw it because it was so dirty and disgusting. But don’t worry, it’s at the upholsterer right now getting new foam, new down filling, a new mattress, and then being covered in uberglamorous peacock blue velvet. Purr!
This is from Ikea. $299 and not bad, right?
How cute is this wicker chair from Ikea? Emily is much more of a wicker hoarder than me, but even I think this is cool. And it’s new, ready made, and $119.
This is also from Ikea. Another sleeper. The secret about most sleepers is that they are totally ugly and gross, so when you find one that’s not bad it’s kind of exciting. We’ve been looking all over and they’re either 5 million dollars or they look like gargoyles inside of the Michelin Man inside of a hot air balloon. Uglez McGee. This one is $849.
This we found on Craigslist for a happy client. $500, super comfy.
I’m kind of obsessed with these chairs from CB2. I want them to go with my new sofabed. They’re kinda steep for CB2 ($399), but they’re way sturdier than most versions of this chair and the leather is a good color. Gimme.
I think this CB2 pendant is cute too. $249.
And I can’t tell if I love this one or if I just love that it’s brass. $179.
And finally, both of us liked this white sconce from West Elm. It’s cute and basic. Why not!?! And it’s $79. HOW?
So yeah, that’s what we’ve been shopping for. Pretty exciting, huh? Everybody calm down!
Love,
Orlando
Don’t Be A Square! (Unless You’re A Bathtub)
Dear Nerds,
You know how everyone used to make fun of you and call you “Square”? Well, now that being a nerd has been trendy for years, you can just come out and be free and proud to be Square. And you know who else should be proud to be square? Bathtubs. Because what could be more glamorous than a rectangular bathtub (aside from a candlelit dinner with Jake Gyllenhaal where you both suck on the same piece of spaghetti until you accidentally kiss)? A new client wants a glamourous rectangular bathtub, so we’ve been seeking them out. Here’s a few I like…
This was my favorite rectangular tub (by Agape). The only thing I didn’t like about it was the $25,000 price tag…
I like that this one is a little bit less contemporary. The gallery wall behind definitely helps it feel a little more cozy.
Um, hi! That breeze blowing in the window. I want to live in there!
I like this square tub because it’s just a normal tub in a rectangular encasement. Designer square tubs are kinda pricey so this a good way of getting that angular look without spending all the extra money on a luxurytub.
This tub in in my best friend’s house. It’s, like, gigantic and totally amazing.
This is another Agape tub. Super expensive but super pretty.
Oh wait, these next few tubs are also Agape. Apparently I only like really expensive bathtubs. I hate myself.
This one is so simple and uncomplicated. Unlike you and me.
I think everyone is entitled to a huge window next to their tub. It’s a basic human right.
Ooooh so many pretty greys. Sometimes I love grey so much that I want to organize a Grey Pride Parade.
This is another traditional application of the square tub. Totally classic and totally pretty. And those lucite legs underneath the sink. Pure delight.
I just realized after writing this whole stupid post that I haven’t taken a bath since, like 1991. So why am I wasting all this time fantasizing about bathtubs? Is it wrong that I still yearn for a rectangular tub? I just want to look at it, to keep it company, to sing it songs on its birthday. Is that so wrong? Stop judging me. I’m so scared.
Love,
Orlando
PS: I also just realized that I don’t really know the difference between a rectangle and a square. I mean, I guess I remember that “a square is a rectangle but a rectangle is not necessarily a square.” But that didn’t stop me from calling rectangular bathtubs “square” now did it? Whatever, I’m never going to be a geometry professor so who cares. SO WHAT?
