Category Archives: Fashiontimez

by | 30 July 2012 · 4:31 pm

Brace Yourself for Beautiful Bracelets

Dear Men of the World,

Don’t you get sad sometimes that ladies get to wear all sorts of exciting jewelry and all we get to wear is watches and the occasional bow tie? Jewelry is fun, but there’s not a ton of it for dudes. One thing we can get away with is bracelets. Look how cool this guy looks, in part because he’s wearing those glamorous bracelets:

Now, onto some bracelets I love, hate, and am ambivalent towards:

Miansai, $95 at Mr. Porter

Black and gold, the most luxurious combination in the history of time.

Tods, $225 from Barney’s Co-Op

Everyone knows I’m not afraid of bright colors, so naturally I love this buttery bracelet from Tods.

City Landscape, $14 from TopMan

London may have done a terrible job orchestrating the opening ceremonies of the Olympics, but the city did inspire a pretty skyline for this bangle.

Luis Morais, $675 from Mr. Porter

This looks like a Kabbalah bracelet. Which means that if you are a trendy celebrity like Madonna or Ashton Kutcher you should definitely wear one.

Tateossian, $250 from Saks

I’d like to wear this braided bracelet on a boat whilst someone named Tad serves me a cocktail.

Miansai, $65 from Mr. Porter

Hi, pretty blue bracelet. I actually have one that’s just like this except it cost like $5, not $65.

Awkward, $8 from TopMan

It was nice of TopMan to make the bracelet with my name on it.

Miansai, $90 from Mr. Porter

I’ve decided these hook things are the new anchors (side note: anchors are out). I love this gold one with that rope band. It’s totally ready for an adventure on the high seas.

Leather Wrap Bracelet, $245 from Misa Jewelry

This black/gold combo is the perfect amount of casual (raw edge leather) and chic (gold).

Tods, $225 from Saks

Another preppy bracelet to wear on the boat with Tad. Lovely.

Monique Péan Homme, $13,930 from Barney’s Co-Op

This bracelet is to die for. Also, it’s almost $14,000. You could buy a car for that much money. But honestly, I’d take this bracelet over a car any day.

Vanities, $40 from Opening Ceremony

I’m torn about this bracelet. On the one hand, I love that adorable string. On the other, I am tired of skulls. But I guess if you just ignore the skull it’s cool. And isn’t that what life is all about? Ignoring things you don’t like?

Cast of Vices, $190 from American Rag

This is another one I’m on the fence about. Part of me thinks it’s really cool and clever. Another part of me thinks it’s gimmicky and lame. What do you think?

So there it is. A collection of bracelets I want and some I don’t want.

The End,
Orlando

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6 Comments

Filed under Fashiontimez, Fashonz

by | 24 May 2012 · 6:45 pm

Think Outside The Box: No Socks

Dear Diary,

Apparently there is a totally exciting new trend involving naked male ankles. I had no idea, always running around wearing my nerdy socks pulled up to my knees. Enjoy these glamourous images of shoes with no socks!

The juxtaposition of a dressy suit with the casual exclusion of socks is a nice one. I guess it is kind of sexy to see a little skin, even if it’s just the ankle.

Love this whole outfit. He looks like a sailor from the high seas, except for with better hygiene and more teeth.

Ugh, I so want to be this kid. All skinny and weird and downtowny. Excuse me while I go do heroin and lose 30 pounds.

Good things about this picture: stacked stone wall in the background, highwater pants, lovely golden countryside, and no socks. Bad things about this picture: that ugly ottoman and that cheesy camera in front of his face.

Hi, I’m glamourous and my hair blows in the wind. Also, I’m too cool for socks.

Someday, I want to look like this.

I’m digging this tinysuit. Also, I want whatever is in that Dean & Deluca bag. I’m starving!

Love,
Orlando

3 Comments

Filed under Fashiontimez, Fashonz

by | 19 May 2012 · 12:18 am

You Must Buy These Things Or You Will Be Socially Ostracized!

Dear Diary,

The sun is shining in beautiful Los Angeles and the summer is upon us. Or at least I think it is. I actually have no idea when the official start of summer is and I don’t feel like googling it. I know the unofficial start is next weekend. Memorial Day Weekend. To get ready for summer, I’ve been slowly stocking up on summer must-haves. And so should you. If you are a girl, just buy these things for your boyfriend. That way no other girls will hit on him because he will look like a mischievous homosexual. Like me.

I’m super into these cool hats. They are yet another piece of evidence that black people (along with the gays) are responsible for everything that is cool. Black guys were the first to wear these, then straight white guys, now gay dudes. I’m into the gay thug look though, so that’s fine by me. Thank you, black people!

LA Dodgers Cap from 59fifty

I like bright things, so I love these sunglasses. They cost $5 and I bet I’ll break them by this evening. The average lifespan of a pair of my sunglasses is 3.67 days. I am a terrible human being.

Sunglasses from H&M

I love everything from Warriors of Radness. Especially this awkward ball tank top.

Tank from Warriors of Radness

These jersey knit tanks are so soft I want to wear them all the time. It’s like wearing air.

Tank Top from H&M

Loving these pink painterly swimming swimmerz.

Swim Trunks from H&M

These are very exciting and sort of tiny. I’m not into long swim trunks. Who wants to be weighed down by all that fabric in the pool? I just want to be free.

Grey Swim Trunks from H&M

These look totally dorky online but are cuter in real life. Especially when you cuff them a bit.

Shorts from H&M

Yup. These flip flops are old news but I still love them.

White Flip Flops from Havaianas

To protect my lily white skin from the harsh burning sun of Southern California, I rely on this sunscreen. Mainly because it has the most adorable label I’ve ever seen. But also because it smells like oatmeal and doesn’t have nano particles that get into your pores and give you even more cancer than the sun does. Trust me, I’m a scientist.

Badger Sunscreen

To change the color of my lily white skin from Titanium White to Swiss Coffee, I rely on this delightfully streak free product. It actually works but it comes off if you sweat to much. And believe me, I sweat too much.

Sunless Tanner from Keihl’s

So that’s all you need for summer. Now go out and buy it, because that’s what we do. This is America.

Love,
Orlando

3 Comments

Filed under California, Californiatimez, Fashiontimez, Fashonz, Gays

by | 23 March 2012 · 5:44 pm

Color Warriors (of Radness)!

Dear Warriors Of Radness,

Sometimes when the cloudy winter weather has me down, I Google images of your clothing and feel better about the world. Everyone knows I love bright colors a little too much. In fact, every time I get dressed, I am accused of being either gay or a woman (one or both of those accusations are true). Not only is Warriors of Radness clothing bright and exciting, it also provides inspiration for some wonderfully playful photographs. Below is a selection of some of my favorite images featuring Warriors of Radness clothing and a collection of uber-glamorous surf hippies. Delightful!

Tank, $22

Hoodie, $125

Graphic Tee (past season)

I Heart WOR Shirt, $12 (was $32)

Tank Top, $40

Pullover, $42 (was $144)

Muscle Guy Shirt, $10 (was $36)

Swim Trunks, $105

Fleece, $110

Surf Punks Tee, $12 (was $36)

Sweatpants, $145

Aqua Shorts, $66

Sweatpants, $145

Sweatpants, $145

Aqua Shorts, $66

The following four looks are from past seasons.

Surf Punks Tee, $12 (was $36)

Stonewash Shorts, $80

Sweatpants, $145

Rainbow Trunks, $28 (was $110)

Even when the sky is full of clouds and it’s cold outside, these pictures make me want to become a beach bum, live in a tent on the sand, and wear neon for the rest of my life. Yay!

Love,
Orlando

2 Comments

Filed under California, Californiatimez, Fashiontimez, Fashonz, Hot Couture

by | 16 February 2012 · 9:06 pm

Fun With Fashion: Hippie Weirdo Artist Glamour

Dear Fashion World,

I go through phases with fashion. Sometimes, I’m preppy. Sometimes, I’m casual. And sometimes I want to dress like a crazy misunderstood artist. Right now I’m feeling a strong attraction to anything casual or hippie-inspired. I just want to put on some comfortable, soft, flowing clothing with a lot of layers and sit at a coffee shop talking about my feelings to anyone who will listen.

The following looks are from Diesel Black Gold.

For more Diesel Black Gold looks go here.

These three exciting ensembles are from Acne. These looks incorporate one small hippie nod (the strap sandal) into an otherwise completely fitted, modern, urban look. Combining styles never hurt anyone.

I’ve always been a fan of shorter shorts on guys.

Remember when bicycle shorts were popular in the 90s? This guy is bringing it back. Thanks, Model.

This guy looks like a cynical art critic on his way to tear apart a new art exhibition. And I like that.

View more Acne looks here.

The most impressive selection of hippie looks comes from Rogan, which is a New York brand headed by a dude from Colorado. You can definitely see the outdoor, mountain influence in his work.

This guy looks like he is about to paint something on a canvas. And then cry about it.

Ugh! This guy is SO aloof! I’m so jealous.

I love this weird hooded shirt thing. Hay!

A pop of color is always welcome in my wardrobe. And my house!

“I’m so bored I couldn’t even bother to move my hair out of my eyes.”

Me: “I love you.”
Model: “I’m straight.”
Me: “I was talking to the sweater.”

This graphic leather necklace makes me want to go to a concert and dance to “We Are Young” by Fun (video below).

For more Rogan looks go here.

“We Are Young” by Fun

Sometimes it’s hard for me to get dressed because I have such a schizophrenic fashion sense. But I know one thing for sure. I love me some hippie style, draping garments, and strappy sandals.

Love,
Orlando

PS: All images courtesy of Style.com

1 Comment

Filed under California, Fashiontimez, Fashonz, Fun Finds, Orlando's Obsession

by | 14 February 2012 · 5:50 pm

Whut Glamour – Richard Haines Fashion Illustrations

Dear Artist & Illustrator Richard Haines,

I was perusing the style section of the NYT recently when I came across some of your fashion illustrations. They reminded me of how much I love your work and how much joy I get from looking at the drawings you create. Seeing them makes me want to be transported into a cartoon world where everything is as gorgeous and appealing as it is in your work. The line quality, the casual yet refined rendering style, the lovely washes of color. It all makes me so happy. Thanks for making such pretty illustrations. Thanks also for your delightful blog, What I Saw Today.

Love,
Orlando

3 Comments

Filed under Fashiontimez, Fashonz, The Artz, Whut Glamour!

by | 21 January 2012 · 4:09 am

Five Things I Loved And Bought

Dear Anjelica Huston,

I know you’ve been concerned about my wardrobe lately, so I did a little shopping and here are some of the things I purchased. I was in desperate need of some new shoes so my search started there. I found these delightful Vans on sale for $40 (they’re supposed to be $90).

As you my know, I was raised in Yosemite Valley and I’ve never seen a Yosemite shirt this cool. I got this on sale for $15.

Apparently I really like Vans, because I bought these too. They were also on sale for $40 (from $80).

This I bought from the flea market for $60. It’s the coziest, comfiest thing in the whole world. The price was kind of steep but it was worth it. Except for the fact that I thought it gave me scabies because I got a mysterious rash today after wearing it without washing it. I immediately rushed to the emergency room and found out that my scabies was actually razor burn. But I’d still love this sweater even if it had given me scabies (which is a terrifying mite that eats away at your skin until you look like a disgusting leper, limbs literally falling from your body faster than you can say “do you have any refreshing Diet Coke?”). It’s soft and warm and it reminds me of all that is happy and good in the world.

I spotted these boots a few months back and snagged them for $20.

The only problem with the boots is that I don’t have any bootcut jeans for them to fit in to. Thus, I posted the following thought on facebook which a friend immediately ridiculed me for:

Honestly, jeans not fitting over your boots is a really big issue in this country and I wish people would take it more seriously. Or at least give me the sympathy I deserve when I am going through a tough time. Thanks for listening, Anjelica Huston. I knew I could always count on you.

Love,
Orlando

2 Comments

Filed under Fashiontimez, Five Haute Things, Fleamarkettimez, I Bought Something

by | 5 January 2012 · 9:23 pm

I’m Seriously Sweating These Seven Sweaters

Sweaters Can Help You Achieve That Youthful Aloof Look

Dear Los Angeles,

How do I love thee, let me count the ways… Except I have a bone to pick with you. Why is it 85 degrees in January? Here I am sweating in my apartment, trying to come up with design plans and all I want to do is wear a sweater and maybe see a raindrop or two. I know this whining is probably totally annoying to anyone reading this in a cold place, sitting in front of their computers shivering like the Little Match Girl, but I really wouldn’t mind a few more months of wintry weather before pool party season. My fantasizing about sweaters has led me to some online shopping. And here is what I found.

This sweater reminds me of one my mom knitted for my dad in the 70s. Totally classic and comfy looking. Topman, $84.

This one has the same vibe, but in tasty navy. Levis, $100 (on sale).

This is also from Levi’s, which is maybe my favorite clothing company in the whole world. I’m loving the festive snowflakes, wishing I could see some snow soon… $100 (also on sale).

This is a totally dorky picture, but don’t you love that color? I do. Ralph Lauren, $410 (on sale from $895, what a bargain, right. Not).

I love this Native American-inspired pattern on the sweater. Those 90z Abercrombie & Fitch pants? Not so much (Sidenote: a friend of mine recently outlawed us all from tucking our pants into our boots. Thoughts? I’m agnostic on the issue). Ralph Lauren, $185.

I love how white, tidy, and perfect this one is. And the sweater isn’t bad either. Ralph Lauren, $265.

Because the Ralph Lauren sweaters were giving me sticker shock, I had to end with something a little more attainable. I love myself a hoodie. And this one is knitted, which makes it even more luxurious. H&M, $35.

If you’re looking for me you’ll find me in my apartment, fantasizing about sweaters, sweater weather, and hommes in sweaters. Because there really is nothing more glamourous in the whole world. Sigh.

Love,
Orlando

4 Comments

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by | 22 December 2011 · 5:54 pm

What To Do With A Gingerbeard

Dear My Face,

So, first of all, a disclaimer that this post is going to seem totally narcissistic. Why? Because it is. It’s just me talking about my dumb face. So to those of you who are on the fence about me and my stupid personality, I’d skip this post and go to the next. Ok, so is anyone still there? Are you there God, it’s me, Orlando’s Facial Hair. Anyhoo, I’m constantly obsessing about my facial hair because when I have it I go crazy because it’s so itchy but when I don’t I feel naked and way less cool. So I decided to do an experiment where I photograph myself with three facial hair styles (beardscruff, mustache, and nakedface). A fun fact about me is that I really want a tattoo but I can’t decide what I want to get so I’ll never get one. I’m kind of the same way with my stupid face. I’ll shave it completely then see a hot guy with a mustache and wish I had one. Then I’ll grow a mustache and realize it makes me look like a pervert Peeping Tom so I shave it off. And then the cycle begins once more. When it comes to decisions about my facespace, I’m totally non-committal. Kind of like every guy I try to date. Until I break up with them and then they marry their next boyfriend while I cry outside of the church. Oh wait, that never happened. It kind of did. Like every day of my life. Below are the fascinating results of my experiment.

OPTION 1: Scruff

Pros:

- It gives you “Instant Facial Contouring.” Trust me on this one, I learned it from my makeup artist.
- It makes you look manly, without making you look too much like a character actor from a Christopher Guest film.
- A hot French dude recently told me that if you don’t have scruff in Paris they just assume you’re old or a huge dork.
- It covers up ChinZits. If you have any. Which I totally don’t. I promise. Oh wait yes I do. I’m disgusting.

Cons:

- It’s boring.
- Everyone else is doing it.
- It’s prickly. If you make out with someone it can give them rugburn.
- If it gets too long it can reveal your status as a secret Ginger and/or fleshbeard.

OPTION 2: Mustache

Pros:

- It gives you street cred.
- It makes you look cool.
- It tells everyone that you have a sense of humor and don’t take yourself too seriously.
- It allows for a diversity of zany facial expressions that are otherwise unattainable.
- It attracts pretty Silverlake boys with neck tattoos.

Cons:

- It scares away everyone that isn’t a pretty Silverlake boy with a neck tattoo.
- It makes you look like a child molester, pervert, and/or Peeping Tom.
- My mustaches is GingerBlond, which reveals some deep dark ethnic secrets I’m not ready to divulge to the public.
- It’s really itchy and gets in your mouth and sometimes crumbs get stuck in it, which makes you look homeless.
- People like to point out that mustaches make you look more Latino, but really what they mean is that you look just like the racist stereotype of a Mexican wearing a sombrero that constantly dances in their heads.

OPTION 3: NakedFace

Pros:

- It feels so silky smooth and allows you to totally exfoliate your face as often as you please (sidenote: do you LOVE exfoliating your face? I do).
- It gives you a fresh look, like a young college kid ready to tackle the world! Go get ‘em, Tiger!
- If you rub your face on a fur coat (Sidenote: FUR IS MURDER!) or a small dog, you can really feel how soft it is.
- You don’t give anyone rug burn when you make out with them.

Cons:

- Do you have any idea how expensive razors are?!? The other day, I went to Target to pick up some razors. But when I got there I realized they were so expensive that I would have to mortgage my house to buy the replacement blades. But then I realized I didn’t own a home to refinance, so I had to go out and buy a multimillion dollar home. As you can imagine, I was already SO tired at this point. But I still had to use my recently purchased home as leverage to get the credit I needed to be able to afford to buy a package of four Gillete Fusion Blades to shave my stupid face. And now I’m still broke from the whole affair. THAT is how expensive razors are. Which is why I shave as infrequently as possible and NakedFace probably isn’t a good choice for me. In conclusion, if you see a man in the street with no facial hair, he’s probably a billionaire. You should snatch him up!

I’m not entirely sure what I learned from this experiment. I think I’m leaning towards “OPTION 1: Scruff.” It says “Hi, I have some edge to me, but you wont find me creepily staring into your bedroom window late at night.” I do really like the mustache, but it seems too much like a costume to me. In conclusion, I think I’ll stick to my Scruffy roots and keep my GingerStache to myself. Until the next time I see a hot guy with a mustache and then I’ll want one again.

Love,
Orlando

PS: What’s your vote: Option 1 Scruff, Option 2 Mustache, or Option 3 Nakedface?

22 Comments

Filed under Fashiontimez, Men's Grooming

by | 19 December 2011 · 6:00 pm

Lazy Costuming In New York

Dear Self,

You know, packing for long vacations has never been your strong suit. I hate to break it to you, but you suck. Usually, you fill your suitcase with 25 neon t-shirts, 12 pairs of ugly pants, and as much sockage and underwearage as you can cram in. This is all fine and dandy until you get to Hawaii and you realize that none of the clothing you brought actually goes together. Bright pink pants, bright pink shirt, and a horse bolo tie? Unacceptable. Thus, on this last business trip to New York, I forced you to choose one outfit, buy multiples of it, and wear it every day for two weeks. I’ve actually wanted to do this experiment for years, starting in high school when choosing clothes to wear started to stress me out (am I the only one who wishes I had a stylist/servant to dress me every morning so I never had to make a decision?). For my New York costume, I chose basic elements that could be layered. A white t-shirt, grey hoodie, faux leather jacket, skinny jeans, and boots. I accessorized with a necklace, a winter hat, and glamourous fingerless gloves. This is what I looked like in my costume:

I used the following costume pieces to blend in with the New York natives. The Target finds were by far the most surprising. I actually find a lot of clothes there. If you mix it right it can be pretty cool and it’s cheap as cheap can be. Luxury.

Winter Hat from Target

Fingerless Gloves from Target

Faux Leather Jacket from Zara (it’s from last year and I can’t find it anywhere online).

Levis Steamer Hoodie

Necklace By Janine Echabarne, my mother’s jewelry designer friend.

Hanes Tees (I bought 18 and somehow still had to do laundry twice)

Levis Jeans

H By Hudson Boots

These boot are my very favorite. I have a friend who has the same ones and we fight about who gets to wear them all the time (I always win). They’re the perfect combination of hobo and glamour, just like me!

In conclusion, I would highly recommend this packing solution to anyone who has a problem packing lightly. It was so convenient not to have to think of what to wear every day. It made getting ready so much faster. I can’t say everyone else enjoyed my wardrobe as much as I did. Emily and I worked together every day and by the end of the trip she wanted to stab me for boring her to death with my clothes. Also, I’m pretty sure our New York clients thought I was just wearing the same shirt over and over again, which probably made them think I was even more hobo than I am. Which is ok with me because it gives me street cred.

Love,
Self

3 Comments

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