Category Archives: Fun Finds

From Rags To Riches: 1970s Chairs

Dear Ugly Chairs I Found in September,

When I first gazed upon your ugliness, I knew you could be beautiful. So I bought you and reupholstered you in gorgeous grey canvas. Here is what you looked like before:

And here you are now:

I love that you are both slouchy and tailored, tufted and structural.

The cost breakdown is as follows:

2 Chairs from Sunbeam Vintage: $150

4 Yards grey canvas from International Silks and Woolens: $50

Upholstery labor costs: $160

Total: $360

Not bad for a pair of totally unique, high-quality chairs. If you don’t feel like going through all this just for a pair of chairs, you can always buy these from me on Hipswap. Just a suggestion…

Love,
Orlando

Here is the link to my Hipswap shop in case you want to look around…

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5 Comments

Filed under Around The Apartment, Buy Me, Collecting, Do It Yourself!, Fun Finds, Furniture, Gimme, I Bought Something

Um, What Is That On Your Face? [Evolution Man Product Review]

Dear Lovers of Facial Products for Men,

Every morning when I wake up, I look just like this:

I know what you’re thinking. Not my best look. I’ve had a hard, hard life. But don’t lose hope! After a good face scrubbing using an industrial sander I apply 17 layers of facial creams, elixirs, eye gels, bronzers, and anti-aging serums made from baby elephants. And after all that I look like this:

Okay, just kidding. I don’t really look like that either. That picture took hours of Zoolander eye smoldering, photoshopping, dreaming, and lamenting the fact that I don’t actually look like an anime character (which apparently is what all modern advertising is asking us to look like). This is what I look like in real life, sans Photoshop:

Photographs courtesy of Glamourous Celebrity Photographer Stephen Busken.

The reason Gay Dudes always look younger than the Straight Dudes is that, like Straight Women, they spend 86% of their time smearing lotion all over everything, taking breaks only to drink kombucha and sip that youth potion from “Death Becomes Her.”

One issue for men is that there aren’t a whole lot of products made specifically for us. And there’s nothing worse than feeling like a ladyface because you just smeared Lancome Rénergie Lift Volumetry Eye Cream all over yourself. Not that I’ve ever done that. (Yes I have). For Gay Homosexuals, there is nothing less attractive than smelling like a Woman’s eyeball, so it’s important to use products that don’t smell like flowers and/or old lady. This is why I’ve been so intrigued with these man products from Evolution Man. Thus, I’ve decided to review some of their key items:

Wash and Buff, $19

Do you ever have those days that are so annoying that you just want to come home and scrub your face off? There is nothing quite like extreme exfoliation to calm your nerves. Like scrubbing your face to the point it’s almost bleeding, until it’s as smooth as a baby. This product is good because it has just the right amount of exfoliants and will prevent you from sanding your epidermis off. I also like that it smells like tea tree oil, which reminds me of when I was a hippie in high school and still believed in natural remedies. I don’t think it’s a good idea to use anything stronger than this on a daily basis, but if you need a super intense scrub, I’d try Microdermabrasion Scrub from Derma E.

Verdict: Great for daily use, smells like my adolescence, I’d buy it.

Moisture Protect, $25

Would I buy something just because I liked the packaging and I wanted it to match the other products in my medicine cabinet? Yes. But I also like that this product has broad spectrum SPF and comes in a glamourous Bronzer Version for $26. And it doesn’t feel oily. Which is a big thing for me because I am constantly shiny and disgusting.

Verdict: Great daily moisture with SPF, thanks for not being oily and disgusting.

Do you remember that episode of My So-Called Life when Angela gets a zit on her chin and it, like, ruins her whole world?

Well that episode is pretty much every day of my life. Sometimes you get pimples and sometimes you don’t want to be reminded of them so sometimes you might cover them with a little something or other. This is a deep, dark secret amongst men. Some men cover their disgusting blemishes with ladymakeup. Which brings me to this product:

Conceal and Treat, $21

As far as conceal/treat things go, this one is pretty awesome. And because the packaging looks so manly, I feel 17% less like a ladyboy when I’m using it. Especially when my boyfriend barges into the bathroom, calls me a woman, and then flees the apartment in fear and disgust. This is why this type of product should probably be used secretly, in shame. And why you probably shouldn’t tell anyone you’re using it. Like I just did. Ooops.

Verdict: Being a ladyboy is better than having an Angela Chase zit on your chin, man up and buy this concealer.

Lip Balm, $10

I apply chapstick about every 4 minutes so this one is a no-brainer. Downside is that the cap tends to fall off if you keep it in your pocket because of the rubbery finish of the container. Upside is that it smells like coconuts. And it is my belief that the sole purpose of living is to smell like a coconut.

Verdict: You can never have enough lip balm, especially if it smells like coconuts.

Revitalize Eye Gel, $28

Every time I apply eye cream, I secretly expect to be immediately transformed into the beautiful teenager I never was. That didn’t necessarily happen with this product (I’ve only used it once so far) but I did like the consistency. Recently, every eye cream I use is either too thick or too runny. If it’s too thick it makes me rub so hard I practically rip out my eyeballs. If it’s too runny it looks like I’m crying milk.

Verdict: Great consistency, still waiting to transform into teenage supermodel. 

In closing, I’d like to say I was not paid for this post by Evolution Man and was free to write whatever I wanted. I have genuinely been interested in their products and wanted to review them for Hommemaker for quite some time. That being said, can I have my money now?

Love,
Orlando

14 Comments

Filed under Beauty, Fun Finds, Men's Grooming, Style

My So-Called Client: “Jon”

Dear Everyone,

When I meet new people they often ask me what I do. As soon as I start to answer, they regret asking. My response to this question is always long-winded and tiresome. Firstly, I work for TV’s Emily Henderson (and yes, I always insert the “TV’s” in front of her name, even when addressing her directly). We work on TV stuff, blog stuff, and marketing stuff. I also have my own blog, work on film, TV, and photo shoots, and have my own design clients. So I do a lot of different things and I love all of them. If you ask me what I want to do when I grow up, I’ll tell you. All I want to do when I grow up is everything.

That being said, my passion lies in creating beautiful compositions. Whether they be at a client’s house or on a canvas. I am starting to sound like a cheesy brochure for myself. I just want everyone to know why I’m all of the sudden talking about design clients when before I was talking about gay bodies and searching for the perfect shelving unit.

I have this new client that lives in a gorgeous 1920s apartment in Hollywood. I’m going to call him “Jon” for the purpose of this post. He’s a successful writer and a super nice guy. He happens to write for/produce one of my very favorite television shows so I’m always trying my hardest not to quote it to him when we are meeting (I can’t tell you what show because I’ve promised to keep his identity top secret. Anyone who knows me knows that keeping a secret is nearly impossible for me so this might be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my whole life).

Jon’s apartment is totally beautiful. It’s full of character and has tons of gorgeous detail in the moulding. Luckily, the apartment is already painted a pretty color.

According to my scientific calculations, it’s Benjamin Moore Oyster Shell, which is a lovely warm grey color:

This is the living room before he moved in, with the previous tenants’ furniture.

How much do you love that detail in the doorway? I love it so much I want to bite it. And then wear it as a hat. And then take it home to meet my parents.

The crown moulding is a little bit ornate, but we are going very simple and clean with furnishings so the contrast will be nice with the building’s traditional flourishes.

Depending on how we are doing on budget, we might change out this chandelier. It’s beautiful, but a little too small. To me it screams, “Gurl, let’s have some tea with the ladiez!” Which isn’t exactly what you want in a cool bachelor pad inhabited by a hip dude.

Again, this is the furniture from the previous tenant. We are going to be doing the same basic layout though, with a chair and reading lamp situation next to the fireplace.

I’m planning on doing a fun decal in the non-functional fireplace. I like these three:

This is the bedroom but we are going to use it as the writing/music studio. Like me, Jon has many interests which vary from writing hit TV shows to composing his own music. Sidenote: why wasn’t I born with any musical talent? I hate everything.

The apartment has a ton of beautiful windows and so much pretty natural light.

Now onto things I want to buy for Jon. Firstly, this thing:

Okay, I didn’t actually buy it. But it’s ridiculous, right? I can’t decide if it’s ridiculous in a good way or ridiculous in a bad way. I found it at Wertz Brothers.

We got this table from HD Buttercup. Jon likes things that are quirky and unique, so this table ($950) fit the bill perfectly.

We paired the dining table with these mid-century dining chairs. $400 for the set of 4 from Modcrib:

The upholstery on the chairs looks great, but we might have them upholstered in a more vibrant color if we can fit it into the budget.

Because Jon just moved from New York and had zero furniture, we also needed to get him a sofa. He wanted a big comfortable sectional. I wanted clean lines. Our needs met with this piece from Blueprint Furniture. It’s called the Garamond Sectional and it’s a steal at $1199.

Jon loves mid-century, so he was attracted to this vintage piece from Modcrib. $375.

We nabbed this piece for $200 at Sunset Bazaar.

We are using it in the dining room, topped with this lamp from West Elm.

I bought him this awesome rug from Rugs USA for $350.

I found these great wingback chairs ($150/pair) at Modcrib. They have a great, classic shape and a few interesting details that make them more exciting than your average wingback.

I had the chair upholstered in glamorous velvet from Home Fabrics in disgusting Downtown Los Angeles. I used to love the idea of downtown LA. But if you go down there to look at fabrics and buy drapery rods, it’s like hell on earth. It always smells like hot dogs and it’s always 145 degrees (even in winter). There are some trendy parts of Downtown, but those are mostly ridiculously overpriced condos surrounded by homeless encampments. [End rant]. Anyway, sometimes you just have to go Downtown. Mainly when you want to get glamourous velvet for $17.95 a yard. And that makes it worth it.

The price breakdown for these chairs was as follows:

Original Price: $75
Fabric (4 yards for each chair): $80
Uphostery labor: $320

Total: $475

I know that doesn’t sound super cheap, but I dare you to find a chair of that quality that will last as long for $475. These will last forever and the shape and color is so classic that they will only get better with age as they get more worn, cozy, and tattered.

I bought this high boy for the bedroom. $200 from Pepe’s Thrift Shop. Sidenote: Sometimes I wear tank tops to work. So what?!? Who cares.

Unfortunately that mirror won’t hang horizontally so I bought this delightful “O” mirror from Wertz Brothers ($60):

I found this coffee table at TINI. $275.

Red is not in our color pallet, so the plan right now is to paint the coffee table Bunker Hill Green from Benjamin Moore:

This is also from TINI. I haven’t bought it yet because it’s expensive but I love it.

I got these bedside tables for the master bedroom. $95 each from TINI.

Finally I found this beautiful old box for $200. It’s super old and aged (just like my face after a weekend of pool parties and margaritas). I found it at Wertz Brothers and immediately knew I had to have it. It’s going to rest at the end of Jon’s bed.

For the hallway, I founds this burl console table. I actually bought this from myself on my Hipswap shop. I was all “Hey Orlando can I buy that burl table?” and then I was all “Hey, Self, sure!” and then I was like “Hey Orlando can I get a good deal?” and I was all “No” and then I realized I was a terrible person.

I’m probably going to hang a big, graphic piece of art above the console. For now we are using that Frank Lloyd Wright print as a placeholder. The basket is from West Elm. The rug is from Ikea, $25.

There’s still a ton of work to do at Jon’s house. But it’s shaping up quite nicely and I’m glad that we are 90% done with the furniture shopping. I’m excited to get to the next step where I get to start styling everything, hanging art, and making the place look as cool as Jon.

Love,
Orlando

10 Comments

Filed under California, Clients, Fun Finds, Furniture, Worktimez

Instagramz: Reupholstered Chair

Dear Diary,

I got this chair upholstered for a client. I had it covered in glamourous navy blue velvet and now I’m obsessed with it. The kind of obsessed where I want to wait outside its apartment to see if it walks out, just so I can ask it for its autograph. Would it be rude to steal it back from the client?

Love,
Orlando

9 Comments

Filed under Clients, Design, Fun Finds, Gimme, Instagramz

My Daddy Mac Needs a Caddy

Dear New MacBook Pro,

You are so expensive and fragile. As someone who is also expensive and fragile, I know the feeling. We need special protection. We like to be wrapped in beautiful things that shelter us from the harsh world around us. This is why I am seeking the best laptop case in the world. I want something that is both stylish and allows me to throw my computer across the room without breaking it. Thus far, I have no case and have been clutching my computer to my chest as I navigate the cruel homosexual world that I live in (imagine me, all alone, clasping my computer as I wait in line at Tender Greens amongst ferocious Gays clamoring violently for their delectable salads. Fear.). Below are some cases I’m looking at.

Felt Briefcase MacBook Sleeve from Etsy, $34

This one reminds me of a warm wool sweater on a cold college day. And let’s face it, what day in college wasn’t cold?

Hardback Leather Case from BookBook, $79

I’ve loved this one for a while. I know it’s kind of gimmicky but I love books so much and miss carrying them around. actually, let’s be real. I miss reading them, too. Now all I do is look at them quizzically and wonder why they don’t scroll when I run my finger down the page. Why aren’t any of the words clickable? I’m so scared and confused.

Protective Sleeve from InCase, $49.95

This one is really basic/boring, but that little pop of baby blue makes me happy. It doesn’t take much to make me happy.

Vinyl Laptop Bag from American Apparel, $34

I like this one because it goes along with my whole Japanese Rapper persona. What, you say? You didn’t know about my Japanese Rapper persona? You have, like, so much to learn.

Trompe L’Oeil Laptop Case from Urban Outfitters, $29

I like this one because it reminds me of being in art school. Which reminds me of being sullen and aloof. Which reminds me of how cool I used to be. Which fills me with anxiety for being such a dork now.

Grey Wool and Brown Leather MacBook Sleeve from Etsy, $79

The combination of the wool and the leather straps is doing a delightful 1940s American Schoolhouse thing for me. It works.

Tan Leather Laptop Bag from Topman, $95

Doesn’t this leather look soft and inviting? Like you want to rub it all over your supple cheeks? Even though it’s made out of the skin of a dead sentient being, bred solely for the purpose of being eaten and/or skinned? I still want it. I hate myself.

Wooden Laptop Case with Leather Lining from Rainer Spehl, $200

This is the heavy-duty case I’m looking for. While all the other ones are soft and pillowy (like my belly after the holidays), this one is hard and strong (like my boyfriend’s irritatingly perfect abs). I can imagine dropping this off a building, my computer emerging without a scratch.

Pendleton Laptop Case from Etsy, $55

I love this geometric pattern. This is the perfect case for someone who needs to bring their laptop along to Coachella or Cinespia.

Grab Laptop Folio from Hard Graft, $235

How cool is that hand strap? If I had this one I’d take it everywhere with me, just to feel cool for having such a beautiful laptop case. Also, if I had this I’d be homeless because, damn Gina! That’s expensive. But necessary? I don’t know what to do!

Which one do you think I should buy?

Love,
Orlando

6 Comments

Filed under Design, Fun Finds

The Colors of Charlie

Charlie Designer Matthew Zink

Dear Matthew Zink,

I’m a huge fan of your line of men’s and women’s swimwear. Not only are your pieces well-fitted and glamourous, they also come in a variety of colors that please my eyeballs. I seek out color in all aspects of my life, from the interior of my home, to the art I make, to the clothing I wear. Thus, I was delighted to find a collection of swimwear that so unabashedly incorporates color. Below is a selection of my favorite suits in the very best colors.

Vintage Soccer Short, $75

I’m a sucker for pink swim trunks. Nothing says “I’m the funnest thing at this pool party” better than Barbie pink. Speaking of Barbie, this model is a life-size Ken doll.

Trainer, $91

This color is called “Canopy” and reminds me of the luxurious color I used to upholster my sofa. Very pretty.

Trainer, $65

The only place you can get away with shorts this short is at Gay Beach. And if you don’t know where Gay Beach is, I worry for you.

Resort Short, $155

I’m into this cut for a swimsuit. It acknowledges the existence of the male thigh without exploiting it. Whatever that means.

Trainer, $91

This citron color is to die for.

Resort Short, $90

Again, love the sky blue. Especially when paired with those white shoes.

Trainer, $91

Orchid Pink. This color makes me so excited. I’m about to lose control and I think I like it.

Trainer, $91

Electric blue. To go with my eyes.

Lifeguard Brief, $50

Just when you thought he couldn’t look any more like Barbie, he went and put on this little number. I know a lot of people have reservations about dudes in Speedos, but I think if you can pull it off, why not? After all, who wants a lot of fabric weighing him down when he is swimming, trying to be free? You only live once.

Trainer, $91

That “Canopy” color again. If I were a shade of blue, I’d like to think I’d be that one.

Trainer, $65

This color is clearly the winner of the bunch because it’s so distinctive. You don’t see pink like this every day. You know what else you don’t see every day? Human-size Ken dolls running around in tiny neon swimsuits. And that is, like, such a shame.

Love,
Orlando

3 Comments

Filed under Fashonz, Fun Finds, Gays, Hot Couture

Cover Thine Naked Walls In Stickers.

Dear Empty Walls,

Are you ever sitting there all like “Oh my god I’m naked I wish someone would put a sticker on me”? And then you look around and all the wall decals out there are, like, totally gross? Well, I have found a solution to your nakedness. There a few wall stickers out there that will cover you in beauty and glamour. For the most part wall stickers are cheesy and gross and look like they belong in college dorms. But don’t lose hope! A few sophisticated options do exist…

Keith Haring Wall Sticker from Blik. $50.

I love me some Keith Haring, so naturally I want to put these large-scale wall decals all over my body. And my apartment.

Fishwall Stickers from Blik. $45.

For a kookie splash of color, these fish-scale inspired tiles do the trick. I don’t think I’d do a whole gigantic room in them, but a small room, a door, or another architectural detail could be cool.

Keith Haring Wall Stickers from Blik. $35.

Who doesn’t want little Keith Haring dudes dancing all over his house? Fun!

Chalkboard Calendar from Ferm Living. $100.

This is really practical and pretty for an office, but would probably be totally weird anywhere else.

Branch Wallsticker from Ferm Living. $110.

We used this one on the show (shown below) and it looked totally amazing. They no longer make it in that metallic gold color which is a shame but the black is beautiful too.

One note about wall stickers is that they are often dependent on a cool space. Just sticking one in the middle of the wall might be weird, but if you have a cool alcove or moulding that separates a space, it can be a great opportunity for a beautiful moment on the wall.

Custom Wall Sticker from Murals Your Way. Starting at $240.

Martha Stewart featured this idea a while back. I’m actually kind of surprised at how cool it looks because a lot of full-color decals look cheesy. But if you have a great source image you can make a beautiful wall decal.

Damien Hirst-Inspired Wall Dots from Blik. $40.

One way to make sure your wall stickers don’t look low-brow is to have them reference a famous work of art like these Hirst-inspired wall dots. They are playful, yet somehow still sophisticated.

Also playful and sophisticated are the original Hirst paintings.

Ten Pattern Wall Tiles by Threadless for Blick. $45.

For renters who can’t do wallpaper, these luxurious wall tiles provide pattern and excitement.

Psychedelic Garden Wall Tiles from Blik. $45.

I’m loving these floral wall tiles for a ladybedroom.

In The Belly Of The Beast Wall Sticker from Blik. $40.

This dying whale is kind of depressing, but I’m still attracted to it. Seems like it would be perfect for a kids room. Perfect for the goth kid who hates everyone.

Pine Tree Wall Sticker from Ferm Living. $55. 

The simplicity and elegance of the pine branch is what makes this one nice. Sometimes wall decals get a little bit too complicated/literal which makes them lame.

So there you go, walls. You no longer have sit naked, waiting for uber-expensive art to cover you up. Go out there and get some wall decals to cover your indecent self!

Love,
Orlando

7 Comments

Filed under Around The Apartment, D.I. Why?, Design, Fun Finds, Interiors

Much Ado About Sunglasses

Dear Celebrities,

Whenever I find myself wondering what to do, I always look to celebrities for advice. For example, I’ve been looking for new sunglasses lately and I can’t figure out what to buy. So I looked up pictures of fashionable celebrities and now I have a few ideas for sunglasses to purchase.

I have a complicated relationship with sunglasses. When I was in high school, I only wore fancy expensive sunglasses. But then I kept breaking/losing them so I decided to ban myself from buying any that cost more than $10. This has had an unexpected side effect that I no longer care if I lose my sunglasses. Which means I lose them on a daily basis. Thus, my new theory is that I need to invest in a real pair of sunglasses that I care enough about to keep an eye on.

Here is my namesake Orlando Bloom wearing some wayfarers. These wouldn’t look good on me because of my nose shape but they do look fetching on him.

Ray Ban, $200

Because I grew up in the woods and love the outdoorsy aesthetic, I’m into these wooden sunglasses from Schwood.  Sometimes I wish I lived in a world where everything was wooden.

Schwood, $135

Schwood, $175

I could never pull off these fancypants Tom Ford sunglasses, but Brad Pitt can.

Tom Ford, $425

Every time I drive my boat, I put on these Oliver Peoples sunglasses. Glamour.

Oliver Peoples, $390

Ryan Gosling looks great in these Persol sunnies. Gimme.

Persol, $360

This guy looks like an American Pyscho murderer, but the Ray Ban Clubmasters he’s wearing are great.

Ray Ban, $145

Oh Jake Gyllenhaal, how I yearn to trap you in a human size aquarium so that I could stare at you all day. Oh, and I love these classic shades. And your face.

Spitfire, $35

Robert Redford is the grand master of aviators (which coincidentally are on of the best frame styles for my nose shape).

Ray Ban, $140

Finally, a pair of sunglasses that I only want because I know I can’t have them. They’re limited edition wayfarers from a few years ago that are impossible to find (unless you want to pay $1500 for them on Ebay, which I don’t).

Ray Ban Limited Edition Wayfarer, One Million Dollars

I don’t know which way I’m leaning right now. Kind of between the Ray Ban aviators and those Oliver Peoples sunglasses. What I do know is that as soon as I spend $400 on sunglasses I’ll immediately sit on them whilst losing them in a cab, lending them to a friend who will never give them back, and having them accidentally fly off my face while I’m on a roller coaster. I can’t be trusted.

Love,
Orlando

10 Comments

Filed under Fashonz, Fun Finds

Fun With Fashion: Hippie Weirdo Artist Glamour

Dear Fashion World,

I go through phases with fashion. Sometimes, I’m preppy. Sometimes, I’m casual. And sometimes I want to dress like a crazy misunderstood artist. Right now I’m feeling a strong attraction to anything casual or hippie-inspired. I just want to put on some comfortable, soft, flowing clothing with a lot of layers and sit at a coffee shop talking about my feelings to anyone who will listen.

The following looks are from Diesel Black Gold.

For more Diesel Black Gold looks go here.

These three exciting ensembles are from Acne. These looks incorporate one small hippie nod (the strap sandal) into an otherwise completely fitted, modern, urban look. Combining styles never hurt anyone.

I’ve always been a fan of shorter shorts on guys.

Remember when bicycle shorts were popular in the 90s? This guy is bringing it back. Thanks, Model.

This guy looks like a cynical art critic on his way to tear apart a new art exhibition. And I like that.

View more Acne looks here.

The most impressive selection of hippie looks comes from Rogan, which is a New York brand headed by a dude from Colorado. You can definitely see the outdoor, mountain influence in his work.

This guy looks like he is about to paint something on a canvas. And then cry about it.

Ugh! This guy is SO aloof! I’m so jealous.

I love this weird hooded shirt thing. Hay!

A pop of color is always welcome in my wardrobe. And my house!

“I’m so bored I couldn’t even bother to move my hair out of my eyes.”

Me: “I love you.”
Model: “I’m straight.”
Me: “I was talking to the sweater.”

This graphic leather necklace makes me want to go to a concert and dance to “We Are Young” by Fun (video below).

For more Rogan looks go here.

“We Are Young” by Fun

Sometimes it’s hard for me to get dressed because I have such a schizophrenic fashion sense. But I know one thing for sure. I love me some hippie style, draping garments, and strappy sandals.

Love,
Orlando

PS: All images courtesy of Style.com

1 Comment

Filed under California, Fashiontimez, Fashonz, Fun Finds, Orlando's Obsession

Shopping With Emily (Without Emily)

Dear You,

Firstly, I’d just like to thank you for being you. Secondly, I’d like to let you know about a super exciting post I just wrote for Emily’s blog. Go check out Shopping With Emily!

Love,
Orlando

2 Comments

Filed under Emily, Fun Finds, I Bought Something